horsepigcow

Honesty, as it seems, isn’t always the best policy. Or at least it seems that honesty CAN be a best policy if it has the right PR spin.

Years ago I learned a HUGE lesson: ‘fake it until you make it’ has a cost and, if the gamble doesn’t pay off, you’ll be saddled with more than you can handle afterwards. It was my first business and everyone advised me to look more experienced and more established than I was. Since I didn’t have an official office, I needed to pretend that I do. And since I was new, I needed to come on the scene with a bang. So I spent a whole bunch of money I didn’t have up front and didn’t tell anyone that I was going in debt for it. Long story short, it seemed to work for a while, but when the market fell out beneath me, I was saddled with more debt than I could bring in income. I had to get a real job in order to pay for my previous ‘faking it’.

Lucky for me, the social web rose up and radical transparency became all the rage. Now everybody was talking about how they worked from home and coffee shops, how they don’t always know what they are doing and bootstrapping became an honorable way to start a business. Where I once needed a rent-an-office space, brochures, fancy website, answering service and other expensive collateral, I could now merely have a blog, a laptop and a bunch of Moo Cards. This no longer seemed amateur because everyone was amateur and amateur was the new professional.

But something has shifted back over the past 5 years or so since then and there seems to be a resurgence of the ‘Fake it til you make it’ battle cry. I’m not sure if it’s because we could get away with our scrappy little amateur web businesses when we were still on the bleeding edge and now we are part of a serious money-making industry or whether it’s just a natural pendulum swing to counteract the ‘We Live in Public‘ viewpoints of the world that were hyperbolically transparent (and even shocking to an open advocate like myself).

Either way, Faking it is the new transparency and I don’t think its resurgence is a good one. Why not?

1. By faking it, we fail to share our struggles – I know that’s kind of the point of faking it and all, but if nobody shares they are struggling, nobody will know anybody else is struggling. That results in a whole bunch of people feeling quite isolated and scared and thinking that they must be big, fat losers because they are the only ones in the whole wide world that struggle. Funny thing…I shared my struggle at TEDxConcordia (6,000 views) and at NXNE Interactive (167,000 views) and both were passed around like wildfire. I’ve never received so many thank you emails. This struck a nerve. People were thankful I shared because they no longer felt alone.
2. By faking it, we fail to learn what it takes to REALLY make it – the amount of advice posts written by failing startups that other startups followed and promptly failed by is astonishing. Same with speakers at conferences who delve out advice for ‘how to do it right’ when they know full well that their community is crumbling, they are running out of money and their days are numbered. This is just wrong. People wanting to do startups look up to people doing them. And they aspire to be them. Let’s not pass along our mistakes, only our lessons.
3. By faking it, we ignore reality. I recently read 10 Facts About the Condition of American Families that Will Blow Your Mind at Business Insider. Wow. I think it’s time for America to stop faking success (“Look at how Wall Street is recovering! Look at how much money is being invested! People are working/buying again!”) and start facing reality. There is something fundamentally broken here. Admit it, grow some humility and fix it so we can achieve REAL successs. Because the longer you lie to the world, the more you will believe it yourself and the longer you will struggle. You only increase your chances of success when you admit your reality.
4. By faking it, we perpetuate a culture of lies. It’s the viciousest of vicious cycles, really. If we all just admitted we struggle, nobody would feel like admitting it would make people think they were a big loser. By ‘staying in the closet’ about our fears, doubts and stumbles, we keep that closet closed for future generations.
5. By faking it, we are just plain lying. If it was my money on the line, I’d want to know what was going on with the companies I invested in. 100%. I wouldn’t want to be surprised at a board meeting that the company I see as doing amazing things is about to close down because of legal battles, especially if those legal battles had been going on for ages and I could have helped. I’ve heard this story and many others from advisors, investors and employees who had no idea the company they worked for was in trouble. Yes, yes…revealing every little thing isn’t good either. You need to help people feel like you can handle the small stuff. But when you are running out of money or being sued or discover you were on the wrong path or whatever is a bigger deal, it’s time to reach out and get help.

Now, this being said there IS such thing as TOO MUCH INFORMATION. I would never name names (even thinly veiled), give specific details in a legal or financial case, talk ill of anyone who wronged me (not naming names – but you can talk about lessons learned…how to avoid situation X) or personally attack anyone. You have to use your judgement. The way I approach transparency is: “This is how I am struggling. This is what I’ve learnt. This is what I’ve done wrong. This is what I did right. This is how things are broken. Please keep in mind this is my perspective. Anyone else want to add/share?” Sometimes I wait until this can be told in retrospect, sometimes I talk about lessons as I’ve learned them.

Of course, this is also changing for me as time goes on. I find myself clamming up more and being less involved in discussions that are heated in this area. I’m aware that my own behavior reflects on my company, which means the other people who work with me have to bear the brunt of my sometimes misguided opinons. So I stay away unless I have something personal to share that I think will help others. Mostly I speak of my own mistakes now.

And I’ve had friends in the industry advise me to keep quieter in general, but as I said above, this won’t help anyone (even though I know their intention is to protect me). And I don’t think it will help me (or anyone else) in the long run. I’m not stupid or reckless (mostly!) and I’m more than happy to admit it if I make a mistake. Feel free to tell me when I’ve crossed the transparency/TMI line.

I know that we had a special luxury in the early days of the rise of the social web business when we were the scrappy revolutionaries and now that we are starting to make bigger impacts and affect real lives, we need to think about how our behavior touches other people. It’s no longer about a revolution (was it ever?), it is now about changing the world to be a better place. But I do believe that transparency can grow up with us, too. It doesn’t get left behind, it just evolves to be central to the way we interact. It’s a better way and it’s definitely better than faking it.

I love shopping. I do. It’s no secret to the people around me. And it’s pretty much killing me right now to be a broke startup entrepreneur who looks at amazing, gorgeous new objects of desire every single day on Buyosphere that I cannot afford. So, of course, saving money on the stuff I want and need is a highly desirable thing.

Then why do the plethora of shopping discount, daily deal and coupon sites leave me so darn cold?

I think it’s because, instead of helping me afford the stuff that I need and want, there seems to be an endless stream of messages tempting me to spend my money on stuff that is shiny and lovely, but that I never knew I desired before they appeared in my inbox. In fact, by spending my money on these lovely objects of distraction, I’m getting further away from being able to afford the stuff I really want/need.

Another issue could be that there are just too many shopping deal sites all at once. Or maybe the coupons/deals/offers aren’t what we need as consumers after all. Perhaps it turns out that I don’t need a new pair of cheap shoes or new accessories every month. Maybe I just need to be able to afford one or two pairs of really good shoes per season, or that amazingly unique accessory by that hard to find local jeweler that makes me look European in every outfit…even jeans and t-shirts. Or maybe I need a better way to find my way to these items.

Hmmmm…if only someone could come around to help us shop SMARTER instead of just MORE. Okay, that is a bit self-serving (as that is one of the core objectives of Buyosphere – egad, I can’t wait to unveil our next phase which I think will really help make this a reality), but it’s true and it is exactly the issue that all of these hot new startups are going to face.

At the end of the day, we don’t need anything that encourages consumption. We’ve done just fine on that level for years. What we need is a better/faster route to finding that perfect thing for me, which requires the sellers who have that perfect thing for me to figure out how to find me in that exact moment and the sellers that don’t to get out of my way. THAT will be the killer social shopping site.

note: stay tuned…

On day 1 of the Google+ launch, I joined as I was invited by a bunch of friends. I was pretty busy on that particular day and saw everyone buzzing about it, but didn’t have time to spend more than about 10 minutes setting things up.

The first thing that bothered me about joining was that it forced me to use my old gmail address that I retired because it was taken over by mailing lists and social network pings. Rather than just proclaiming email bankruptcy…even that would have been too much work…I just put a permanent out of office greeting on it that says, “I’ve laid this email address to rest. If you are a human being, email me over there instead”. Over ‘there’ is my Buyosphere email address. We use Google Apps, etc. to host it, but Google limits these PAID FOR accounts to anything social because…um…I think corporate stuff is supposed to be anti-social. Either way, I had to log into my festering gmail account to make the G+ leap.

I have to say…the interface is nice and clean and the javascript is way nifty. It was fun adding a few folks to circles for that 10 minutes. Their little round avatars looked like smiling bullets in a chamber. Zip! Zip! In all seriousness, though, the UI is awesome.

But then I went away and did some work type of stuff and kept getting messages that 18 people added me to circles here and 26 people added me to circles there. Next thing I know, I log back in a few days later and I have a mile-long suggested list of friends to put into circles. 2,500+ of them! Now, I’ve met most people who are suggested. I’ve had conversations and hung out with many of them. I would even consider most friends. But to put 2,500 of them in intelligible circles?! I have no clue where to begin!

I started with cities: Montreal, New York, San Francisco, Austin, Paris, Los Angeles, Vancouver, Sydney….then I started to get a little fuzzy on where some of my contacts live. Many of them I’ve met at conferences and hung out in places neither of us live. It’s quite difficult to keep track of the home addresses of 2,500+ people at the end of the day.

Okay…so I moved onto topics: technology, entrepreneurship, karaoke, fashion, social media…once again I hit a wall. I know people from certain conversations that probably have little or nothing to do with the topics they cover day to day. In fact, those that are Facebook friends talk about great personal stuff like families and their favorite restaurants. I actually enjoy getting to know them on that level.

Right. So default back into Friend/Acquaintance/Follow…but those are pretty broad categories. And I don’t know about you, but social networking has changed my definition of friend. I know more about many of my FB/Twitter “friends” than I do some people I grew up with!

And then I started getting a little fuzzy on why I was putting people in these circles anyway. I have no idea how I want to filter thoughts or feeds. The ‘sparks’ feature (where you can follow topics) is much easier for me to gr0k. If only I could mash the two up a bit. Or something. Something bigger. Better.

Oh wait.

YEAH! Google has all this information about me, right? They have been collecting it for EONS. They collect it when I search, when I email people, when I create documents, make meetings, shop on Google Products, use my mobile phone, etc. etc. They serve up incredibly relevant ads for me daily in all of my Google-y type applications. Sometimes so relevant I get a little scared. They seem to know my next move before I do. Google tells me who to add to cc’s on emails. They understand who are in my groups I’ve moderated for years and know what we talk about. You told me through Latitude that you know where I work versus where I live based on the hours I spend in these places. Google knows more about me than I know about me.

SO WHY THE FRACK CAN’T THEY MAKE MY CIRCLES FOR ME?!!

Sorry G+, but adding 2,500+ people to cute little circles when you have more data than GOD seems wrong to me. At least give it a whirl. Take a shot in the dark on who should go where. You could DEFINITELY figure out city for me…see that I’m creating City named circles and say, “Hey! I see you are putting your friends into locations! Let me help you with that!” Suggest topic circles based on people’s sparks. Or their descriptions. Or what other people group them as. You should definitely know who I work with. You probably can infer what a personal versus professional email sounds like.

I know people will be a little freaked out…but that is what makes for magical technology. And you have it. You have miles and miles worth of humming data farms worth of it. Stop holding out and making me feel like a GoogleMinus. Don’t make me work for another social network. Make your social network work for me.