horsepigcow

1. we speak a different language: just today I told a nice man who wants to meet me for coffee that I couldn’t because I had the Montreal Python meetup to go to. His response? “You are into snakes?!”
2. the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me is to use my avatar in the mockups of their web app. Flowers, poetry and the like just can’t quite measure up anymore.
3. a list of some of the stuff that turns me on: hackathons, data, a vigorous debate on web standards, competing for the most badges on Foursquare, pushing to production from dev…see?
4. most men are uncomfortable with our arguments being resolved on Quora.
5. i kinda want to use the Angry Birds theme as my first wedding dance someday.

Bonus: using the word muggle brings on puzzled looks in the first place!

Have any more?

[originally posted in the closed environment of FB, Tantek pointed out to me that my action of keeping this list hidden in a walled garden was limiting its potential...not to mention giving up ownership to the behemoth...a very non-muggle problem]

I can’t believe that 2010 is already almost over. It’s been an amazing year filled with growth and achievement. I didn’t do everything I thought I was going to do this year…some things took precedent over others. Namely Shwowp, the startup I began the year co-founding with my amazing partners Cassandra Girard and Jerome Paradis. We not only launched a startup, but we’ve launched a lifelong friendship and I’m proud to call them my co-founders.

There are still a few more things to do before I feel like I’ve completed my year of ACHIEVE (my themeword for this past year). I really want to coast into next year continuing to grow the awesome seed that we’ve planted into a real world-changing phenomenon. I’ve had the dream of creating tools to give consumers control of their own data for a long time. We’re in the ‘looking for seed funding’ process – which is a whole new level of challenge for me. I’ve never liked pitching or being an aggressive sales person. I’ve always tried to build something meaningful that people are drawn to instead. Funding can work that way, but from what I’ve learned, it also requires the pitching and sales part. Even though I thought I’d hate it, it’s been the part of running a startup that has increased my skills the most.

So as I was thinking about what my themeword would be for 2011, I envisioned a year where the seed that we’ve planted grows into a real harvest. And then it came to me. Reap. I intend to reap the fruits of that labor in this next year. It’s definitely time.

But it isn’t only on the career side that I want to REAP the benefits of a long haul of hard work. I’ve spent the past three years looking internally, working on making me a better me. I’ve made significant changes inside and out in order to be a better human being. The kind of human being I’d want to be with. The kind of human being I could love. And somewhere along the way, I gained self-respect and self-love. Looking back on relationships I had over the years, I realized that many mistakes I made were due to me not feeling like I deserved better. Three years later, I have a pretty solid understanding of who I am and what I need out of a love relationship. I hope to REAP that love in the new year as well.

REAP is a #themeword that sums up everything I’ve been waiting for. The ability to exhale a bit. Not to stop moving forward at all. I’ll never do that. I want to continue my personal growth, Shwowp’s growth, my physical abilities, my emotional maturity and my general positive impact on the world. But while I’m doing that, I also want to enjoy how far I’ve come and cash in (so to speak) on the investments I’ve made over the past few years. Maybe even take a real holiday…one that isn’t tethered to a conference or another work-related event.

I have a marathon planned with a friend in May (there will be one helluva exhale after that one!), some really cool new opportunities to get Shwowp out there (technology correspondent on the Marilyn Denis Show, I’ve been asked to be a Nike Make Yourself Movement ambassador, I’ll be emcee-ing the SXSW Accelerator event, etc) and all sorts of exciting things are falling into place for the new year. I want to enjoy every minute of it and savour as much as I can. Hell. I even bought a couple of different concert tickets!

So, in the tradition that Erica Douglass began on NYE 2007/2008, what is YOUR #themeword?

How to Pick Your #ThemeWord for 2011 (via Erica O’Grady):

1. Think of a word that reflects your hopes and dreams for 2010.
2. Share your ThemeWord with friends on Twitter, Facebook, or Your Blog.
3. Be sure and use the hashtag #Themeword.

What I love about boiling the entire year down into one word is that it helps focus everything else. It’s also a fun exercise. Be sure to tweet and tell me yours.

When I look at this photo that Jonas Caruana took of me at last night’s Training Mob at xFit, I think to myself: “This is pretty much the level I try to live my life daily”.

Here is to determination.

I’m in love with Paris…but who isn’t? It’s one of those cities that I long for no matter how much I visit it. And for a while, I went quite frequently. It just doesn’t get ‘old’. In fact, I love its old.

I still remember my first trip to Paris. I had a crappy Fuji SLR-type, but I took loads of photos. Amazingly, my lack of photography skills combined with the jet-lagged wandering about the city in the middle of the night culminated in some lovely moody shots…or at least I look at them and I’m back in that moment 5 years ago.

The reason I was in Paris for the first time 5 years ago was because of Les Blogs Deux…now evolved into Le Web, a conference produced by Loic and Geraldine LeMeur. It was a crazy, amazing time. I was pretty new on the startup scene, had moved to San Francisco only months before and Les Blogs Deux was only my fifth conference on web stuff I had been to (I lost count at 110 last year btw – I have a box of badges to prove it!). Truth be told, though, it’s one of my favorite conferences each year….even after al this time.

It’s not just because I love Paris, although that doesn’t hurt my burning desire to go each year. It’s about the people…the attendees. I love going to Le Web to get a new flavour of the technology/startup community: a European one. I don’t know if it’s culture or language or what that drives a unique perspective from European ‘geeks’, but they seem to think of the web and it’s direction in a more human way. There is a deep philosophy to it. It’s user-centric and revolution-based. A friend told me the other day that the French riot to make democratic change and it has worked for centuries. It’s how the people let the government know they won’t wait for change. As a Canadian, rioting has always seemed chaotic and maybe even futile. But when he described it and from the conversations with some of my favorite Parisians, I totally understood. A better way of life is worth fighting for and the French understand it. I truly think this translates into their startup culture.

Not to make grotesque generalizations, but the North American view of the web is focused more on commerce. There is revolution, obviously (or Twitter, YouTube and other such platforms that aid and abet revolutions for free would exist), but at the end of the day it is about Serviceable Available Market, monetization, traction and other such words that feel disconnected from the big picture of what is taking place online. Last year there was a bit of a stir up when Robert Scoble visited a bunch of startups and dished out advice. His advice is good…for competing in an American landscape. And, yes, startups are a business after all, but there was a disconnect for the French entrepreneurs with this point of view.

But this is the stuff I love about Le Web. It’s controversial because the conference is grounded in Europe with a mostly European audience and then you add a bunch of North American cowboys to the mix with our ‘we’ve come to teach you a thing or two’. And don’t even get me started about the Brits (who are from a whole other country of thinking as well). It’s bound to bring on a cultural clash or two. Or three. Or more. And somewhere from this drama and messiness emerges a beautiful experience, amazing friendships and a whole lot of great ideas.

I may tease Loic about the food and would still love to see fewer panels, but I wouldn’t miss this conference for the world. I can’t wait to see what kind of controversies brew this year. I’m sure they are exactly what the web…or le web…needs to continue to reach its full potential.

All my life, I’ve struggled with self-image. I can blame any number of airbrushed models in magazines or the media or whatever I want, but in the end it all comes down to me. I’ve pushed myself unrealistically against personal ideals that 99% of the population doesn’t attain. I think many of us are in the same position: both men and women.

As I’ve …erm… aged the reasons for achieving ideals have changed, though. When I was in my teens, I compared myself to everyone else around me. I wanted to look like the most popular girl in school. In my 20′s, I compared myself to media images. I wanted to be just like the women everyone watched in movies – not just look like, but be. I remember writing a list of all the ways I could be the ‘cool girlfriend’ everyone talked about. Now well into my 30′s, I think I have a much healthier benchmark of who I push myself to become. I now want to become the best I can be. No comparisons to my peers. No more unreal expectations of being a fabricated ideal of someone who doesn’t even exist. Just me, but optimized.

What that meant for me was to first understand who I am. If I’m not someone else or aspiring to be like someone else, what are the hallmarks of who I am as a human being. What do I stand for? What do I want to achieve? What is my higher purpose in life? When I look at myself in the mirror, who do I see? Can I be happy with her?

Those haven’t been easy questions for me to answer. I’ve spent many hours over nearly three years – and being single – asking them. At first, I forced myself NOT to be in a relationship because I needed to focus on what I need for ME, not someone else. Then, as I answered those questions, I realized I couldn’t be in the kinds of relationships I had been in previously because they weren’t true to me and who I wanted to be. When I asked myself what I needed, the answers I came up with raised the bar on the type of relationship I wanted to have with another person.

At the beginning of 2010 (after two years of asking those questions) I realized that I was taking myself for granted. How could anyone else respect me and honour me if I couldn’t do that for myself? I was drinking too much, smoking, eating poorly, never exercising, traveling too much and generally approaching my health from a blasé perspective. I didn’t want to make a New Year’s Resolution as much as I wanted to make a New Life Resolution. I wasn’t incredibly happy. And the reason I wasn’t incredibly happy is because, well, I didn’t love who I was.

Still, it took me a few months and a whole lot of support from friends to start. In April, I got a gym membership, a BIXI key, started going to some classes, began working out with some friends, quit smoking, drank less (I still enjoy wine and have at least one night where I share that pleasure with friends a week – but I’m considering cutting back even more), put a damper on my travel (told my speaker bureau that I wasn’t available for gigs unless they had to do with my new company), really watched what I ate (cooking more at home helps) and doing things like taking vitamins and making sure I’m paying attention when I’m worn down. At first this wasn’t easy. It’s much easier to be lazy, eat yummy processed food that is bad for you, do whatever feels good and “enjoy” oneself. But as my health improved, so did the benefits. I was dropping clothing sizes like crazy, feeling more energetic, radiating confidence and feeling incredibly happy.

When I treated my body well, my mind followed. Emotionally, I’ve been WAY more stable. I think more clearly and creatively. I have focus and I’m pretty much excited about everything in life these days.

A year ago, I would have dreamed of strapping on a pair of trainers and hitting the jogging paths on a Sunday afternoon. Today, I’m running 10km in under an hour without thinking about it and doing it several times a week! I’m actually training for a marathon! I like looking at myself in the mirror. I feel confident in a bikini. I actually like photos that others take of me (even ones where I’m not paying attention – those used to have double chins all of the time).

I didn’t lose *that* much weight, either (around 20lbs). It wasn’t really about that. It was more about treating my body with respect. It was more about knowing that if I wanted to find that great relationship someday where a man loved and respected me, I had to love and respect myself first. And the best way I could approach that is through action. Investing in me for the longterm.

When I was approached about a month ago by Nike Women and asked to be part of their Nike Women Make Yourself campaign, I was not only honoured, but really felt that I had worked hard to deserve it. I’m not a super athlete that has multiple hours a day to train, big dollars to pay a personal trainer or any core skills that give me an edge. I’m a regular woman who has had to prioritize and work hard at being healthy, keeping off weight and improving on my skills. The rewards aren’t immediate and there are more distractions to the goal than people cheering you along the way.

I really love this campaign because it means we can help one another be our personal best. My dream is for every single woman – young and old – to get to the point where we no longer compare ourselves to others and unreal media images, but we start loving who we are and treating ourselves like gold.

Love the ones we’re with: ourselves.

You know. That one. When you get off the phone with a customer service representative who hasn’t helped you at all. You are stuck and feel helpless. Powerless. Hopeless.

Yep. That’s the way Rogers made me feel today (and pretty much makes me feel every time I interact with them). I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one, either. I’ve lived back in Canada for just over a year and I’ve never seen mobile charges quite like I’ve experienced since my return. Every month I’ve called to find a better plan to help me get it under $400 and every month I get another doozy. This month was $520. Last month? $591. The month before $510. That’s over $1600 worth of charges in three months. That’s 2 months rent in Montreal. I’m not on my phone all day, either. Man. I hate to talk on the phone. I really do.

So screw it, I said. I want out of my contract. I can’t do this for another 2 years (contracts in Canada are 3 years). What will that cost me? 30 days notice and $760. Ouch. And the alternative? None.

Sounds like an awesome deal for customers, eh?

If I leave Rogers, the other phone companies are the same kind of bad deal. Well, I can do SkypeIN…but I need wifi, so that means I won’t have ways to get in touch or be gotten in touch with when I need to move around. And then there is the texting. And the fact that wifi is not so ubiquitous and mostly closed everywhere one goes (lots of irritating paid for plans).

Once again, bad deal for consumers. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

The worst part of this scenario is that it sounds all too familiar. I get this same feeling when I deal with my bank. I get this feeling when I deal with airlines. I get this feeling when I deal with almost any industry that I don’t have much choice but to bend over for. I could live like a hermit with no phone, my money in my mattress and go nowhere, but then life is harder in other ways. Powerless. You feel that? Yep.

Why on earth does this happen? Why on earth do we continue to pay for stuff under these conditions? How did we get to the place in life that we collectively throw our hands up in the air, turn around and bend over in these situations? “Just get it over with,” we mutter as we resign ourselves to the fact that we will look like raving loons and waste more time and energy than its worth to fight it.

And it keeps on keeping on this way. Is there really no solution? No alternative? Where is Adam Smith’s Invisible Hand? If I find it, I’m fashioning it into a big fist and…

Well, you get the point. You understand my ire. You’ve been there too many times. And you feel powerless, too.

Ironically,  I feel better after this rant (and a wee one on Twitter, too). So I’ll just let it go. I have bigger fish to fry, right? Or I suppose what I’m frying is this issue from another angle…so I’ll go back to the task at hand. But I wanted to let you know I don’t like it.

I don’t like it one bit.

Carry on. Nothing here to see.