I love how the relationships I form online are pretty much exactly the same as the relationships I form offline (even before the internet). It begins with someone appearing here and there. They retweet me, @ me and are included in some of my friends’ conversations. At first, I don’t notice because I’m pre-occupied with conversations with current group of friends, but after a while I start to think, “Hmmmm, who is this person?” and I pay more attention. I start conversing back, looking deeper into his/her profile. Maybe even Googling him/her.
Then we get the chance to really connect – either through a deeper conversation or I start following him/her and find out little nuances about him/her that connect me. She is a startup entrepreneur and a mom. He went through a rough divorce last year. She likes to surf. He listens to R&B. I start to comment back. We connect more and more. Then the next thing you know, we interact like old friends, joking around, supporting one another through tough days and maybe even finally meeting up when given the chance.
This is much like how people enter our lives offline. They show up at events or coffee shops or other public spaces where at first you don’t notice them. Then they become familiar (a similar story is actually told in Julien and Chris‘ Trust Agents) and you start asking, “Hey, who is that guy/gal?” and the interaction begins until you are hanging out for beers on a Friday afternoon on the patio talking about the crappy week you had.
But I really love that what the internet HAS changed is that the whole world is my coffee shop and/or event. I can grow a rapport with someone sight unseen (except for an avatar). As Bruce Sterling once said, “National borders, they’re like speed bumps.” I’ve met people in person (usually at SXSW) that I’ve ‘known’ for years online. And there is no awkwardness about it. It’s like we’ve been hanging out in person for that whole time. I can’t wait to see people like Elizabeth Weinstein and Jorge Jaime in person. I’ve been interacting with both of them online for a while and I bet there will be hugs and squeals from minute 0.
Like any relationship, it’s taken time to get to that point, but I feel like I know them as well as any of my new friends offline. And though I’m a little unsure as to what my point was when I started this post, I just wanted to say that I’m excited about the sprouts of relationships that I have with all of you and can’t wait to see them emerge organically over the next few years.
January 2nd, 2010 at 1:07 pm
You are absolutely right!…. let’s have a 2010 with plenty of sprouts at our world wide coffee shop.
January 2nd, 2010 at 2:12 pm
It’s so true, I’ve met so many great people on Twitter. People who are not on Twitter just don’t get it, most of my IRL friends think it’s a waste of time. I love talking to people who I normally wouldn’t have the chance to meet. It’s fun meeting new people this way.
January 2nd, 2010 at 2:18 pm
So true… except (for me) this part: “I’ve met people in person… that I’ve ‘known’ for years online. And there is no awkwardness about it.”
The very online/offline overlap you describe has created, for me, the awkwardness of bumping into someone I’m so familiar with online that I honestly can’t be certain whether I’ve ever met them in real life before. The closer their avatar matches how they look when I meet them offline, the more challenging this is.
But then it’s also quite fun to “meet” for the first time in person those previously online-only folks whose avatars are, say, cartoons or some other image that gives no hint to their actual appearance or, in some cases, their gender. Those are always very delightful surprises!
January 5th, 2010 at 8:33 am
Your post rings true for me… it’s all part of the bigger picture of online and offline identities and lives merging into one. The people that are finding the most benefit in building relationships and networking online are those that are being authentic and transparent. I am me… and I am the same me whether you find me via my blog, my Twitter stream, in person at a local event, or with my family at the zoo.
I’ve met people at WordCamps and Blogworld that I’ve only known via their online presence, and the face-to-face meetings haven’t seemed like first times, but rather extensions of online relationships.
January 5th, 2010 at 8:56 am
I don’t how did I miss this post.
I can’t wait to meet you in person,too. It’s awesome how the Internet allows me (from far away) interact with lot’s of amazing people and to want to meet them offline. Of the people I’ve met offline after meeting them online I’ve found it so much easier to talk to them from minute 0. In fact not long ago I met a twitter friend from Texas that happened to be in Peru and we went for lunch talked and started a business together. And we just knew each other for 4 hours IRL time, but for a long time online.
January 9th, 2010 at 9:10 am
I couldn’t agree more. Meeting new people is wonderful. An aspect I am really fond of is how we are able to reconnect with past friends like high school, college are peers we worked with which is made available now.
January 10th, 2010 at 7:06 pm
One the interesting things I have noticed in my online relationships, is that how similar they are can be to offline relationships. So similar that it feels comfortable to share personal intimate details with someone you have never met in person.
January 21st, 2010 at 11:15 am
Hi Tara,
I think you’re spot on! I thought a lot about this, and in fact along the same lines as you. I completely agree with how you characterize this – that these online relationships do move along (what Allison Fine calls) a Ladder of Engagement. I call it moving from the Front Yard into Back Yard conversations. I wrote a blog post that visually describes how I see the strength progression of social media ties move: http://www.communityorganizer20.com/2009/12/09/front-yard-and-back-yard-conversations/. Curious what you think of the diagram, too?
One last note: I believe it’s a lot harder to move into the “back yard” of an online-only friend. I think you described it well when you talk about how it’s hard to pay attention to new folks because you’re preoccupied with current conversation circles. True – and Dunbar’s number certainly plays a really big role in this concept as well.
Thanks for a great piece!
@askdebra