- Can I pick your wallet?
- No, but I may let you pick my nose!
- Sounds like that would hurt!
- So, you’d buy me lunch in exchange for $200 worth of my time? You obviously don’t need my advice. That’s a killer business model you have there already!
- OMG, you are a surgeon, too?!
- Perhaps if that lunch is in…Paris! (or some other faraway, awesome destination)
- Aaaaaaaaah! Zombie! (run away screaming)
- Bummer. I’m all out of pickable brain today.
- Yay! You picked my brain! What does it win?
- Sorry, but I don’t exchange my time for sandwiches anymore.
Do you have any others?
The truth is that real clients pay. If you are blogging, writing articles, tweeting and doing all sorts of other things (like have a book on the market), there are oodles of ways for someone to get the basic information they need from the content you’ve already put out there for free (I have 3 years of archived content here on HPC — for free!). They are just being lazy…or taking advantage of your time. And getting paid for your time is how you support creating all the free content you produce (or at least, that’s how I make my living). And if someone truly thinks your time is valuable, they’ll offer you more than a meal to pay for it.
There are VERY FEW exceptions to this rule. Unless you are good friends and want to do a favour or think the project is cool and want to give your time for free, refer to the list above. Good luck!
—
BONUS LINK! I ran across this amazing article on the New York Times Blog today: When to Work for Nothing. Great quote:
It doesn’t matter if you’re a dog walker, a Web designer or a tax preparer. When you agree to work free, you reinforce people’s misguided ideas that the self-employed are independently wealthy hobbyists. Don’t degrade your profession by letting a cheap client take advantage of you.
note: My time is especially precious as I am a single mom who is the sole support for my family. But it shouldn’t have taken my realizing I was shirking my Mommy duties to give free time to so many people (and I’m asked the ‘brain picking’ question dozens of times per week) to come to this conclusion.
November 29th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!
November 29th, 2009 at 8:32 pm
I agree, but replies like those 10 get taken poorly. Another response to the question is “Sure, you can pick my brain, but you realize that I’m a consultant for a living and charge for that, right?”
November 29th, 2009 at 8:35 pm
I don’t understand why you felt you had to write a blog post over a quick ask for a bit of your time. A simple I’m sorry I don’t have time to meet or I’m sorry I get asked this a lot but being so busy I just can’t any more would have sufficed.
I know while this was a very big favor of Justin to ask you but there was no malicious intent at all behind it. He doesn’t deserve to get dragged across the internet like this and writing a blog post just to make a point benefits no one.
November 29th, 2009 at 8:36 pm
AND it shows you value your own time, which in itself attracts the right type of client.
Number four is FAB.
November 29th, 2009 at 8:48 pm
@Kevin – this post wasn’t directed at anyone in particular. If you follow my tweets, you see me giving these answers almost daily. In fact, I probably have to say at least a dozen times a week (via email, facebook, twitter, etc.) that I won’t work for free. The latest one just inspired me to finally write that post I’ve been meaning to write for ages.
I’m afraid it was you, not me, who dragged an individual across the internet. I didn’t even link to a tweet here and I replied back to him without putting a ‘.’ in front of the @. I think you may be the only one making the connection.
November 29th, 2009 at 9:00 pm
Ironically it’s the free stuff we produce that gives the brain pickers the impression that we’re happy to give lots of other stuff away. These tend to be same people that find it difficult to collaborate or share and even attribute where they got the free stuff in the first place. Sadly, they’re stuck in the old world model of business and life itself.
November 29th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
I know that I couldn’t have gotten where I am if I hadn’t been able to pull in advice here and there in starting Knowledge As Power. I couldn’t afford to go out and pay people $300 a hour and, frankly, I think it’s astonishing that anyone gets paid that for advice.
At the same time, I now get requests for advice by organizations, companies, or individuals who I think could afford to pay me for my advice (especially because I often lay out plans for them), but I’m torn about how to say, “You can pay me for my time.” Not only can they pay me, they should be crediting me for my ideas and work—instead of citing them as their own.
And, I genuinely want to give back and facilitate discussions. I love helping other young nonprofit founders navigate the myriad of shysters, pitfalls, and mistakes I had to spend years learning how to avoid. (Since few people would advise me.)
So what to do? I don’t think the answer is in saying no to everything, but in clearly defining what–and who–I advise. But first, I’m going to have to figure out how much my advice costs.
November 29th, 2009 at 9:59 pm
@sarah
That’s a good point. When you are starting out and learning, doing free stuff is a good idea. People rarely ask to pick your brain at that point, though. I spent a great deal of time volunteering my time in the early days. I don’t think there was a project around I missed out on spending time trying to help people with. But after a while, I learnt enough for my time to be really valuable and feel I paid my dues.
It is hard, though. And you are right, saying no to everything is not the answer either. I still help out friends anywhere I can. And there are oodles of people who have helped me out over the years who will get my endless help in return.
And your advice? Well, from knowing you and seeing how involved you are, I’d say it’s worth AT LEAST $300. Seriously. Perhaps a slightly lower rate for non-profits. But it’s not just advice…it’s the experience of the oodles of projects you’ve worked on, the case studies you’ve done and the lessons you’ve learnt over the years that they are paying for. If they had the answers you could provide, they wouldn’t need to ‘pick your brain’ at all.
Remember that.
November 29th, 2009 at 11:04 pm
Nice post. A polite request will give you (the askee) a very easy way out. Saying “no” 10, 20, or more times a week to requests that don’t make it easy to say no is just plain draining. Paradoxically, when people do make it easy to say no, I find myself much more favourably disposed to do them a favour, perhaps because they’ve shown me they will respect my time.
November 30th, 2009 at 1:06 am
A couple of years ago a company in Australia invited TWO HUNDRED consultants in to “pick their brains” on Web 2.0. No money was forthcoming but he talked about dangling a “carrot” of opportunity. They got pages and pages of “strategies” based on these free chats.
It’s here if you’re interested “Stop Raping the Australian Web 2.0 community” http://laurelpapworth.com/raping-web-20-australian-community/ Note: social media was called user generated content or web 2.0 before it was called social media.
November 30th, 2009 at 5:40 am
I think Kelis said it best…”I can teach you, but I have to charge…”
November 30th, 2009 at 6:05 am
Very good post. And I believe you are right to value your time. I am curious: Are some people hoping to get to merely connect with you- get to know you in person?
At least in my largely non-online world, face to face meetings are important for forging relationships.
I am not as successful as you are but I am at the juncture where some people want to get my time on occasion. If somebody says they will go for a walk with me either outside or at the YMCA where I work out, that dovetails nicely with what I need. Or if somebody said they would help me study or if they said they would be a practice audience for a speech…. there can be some giving there – it is then not so one-sided.
November 30th, 2009 at 6:59 am
I really like barter in these situations, if the people in question are just too broke to pay me. There’s always something that I keep not getting around to getting done, either because I don’t have the time or it’s outside my comfortable skill set.
Quite often, this means that old annoying thing on my to-do list will get done, easily and quickly. Win-win!
November 30th, 2009 at 7:01 am
(just trying to subscribe to follow-up comments)
November 30th, 2009 at 7:28 am
To start off, I admit that I dislike the phrase “can I pick your brain?” However, I don’t believe asking that question warrants such a harsh response. I understand that your time is valuable, and that creating a livelihood for yourself involves exchanging your talent for money, but it’s a bit disillusioning to think that all relationships in business must involve some sort of financial compensation in order to be given the time of day.
Perhaps I’m a bit naive, but as a PR grad student who interns at a company that focuses on seeking and creating relationships through (free!)networking events, I see first hand the many rewards that come from constantly meeting people and sharing knowledge free of charge. Of course, it doesn’t pay the bills, but I think the benefits are plentiful; you get to expand your network and a lot of the time, learn something new.
I’ve been very grateful to have met a handful of fantastic people in my industry, through Twitter, internships and from networking events. I couldn’t afford to pay all these people $300 for advice, but they were all kind enough (and even offered ) to let me “pick their brains” in exchange for lunch or a coffee. I wouldn’t expect everyone to be this generous with their time, but as a student who is trying to learn as much as I can about public relations, marketing, and social media, I am truly appreciative that there are those out there who are willing to have a chat with someone without expecting or demanding payment in return. Time is money, but I think exceptions can be made…and perhaps a little more politely.
November 30th, 2009 at 7:41 am
@Jenna – when I was a student, I felt the same way. And in return, I’ve mentored many students over the years…and continue to. This isn’t the same thing IMO. I’m talking about people who *can* pay who instead of offering to pay (or even being the least respectful of my time), they figure lunch will do. I’d bet you anything that as your career grows and you hear this request dozens of times per week, you will start feeling more than a little impatient with the question. As a student or starting out, you need to volunteer your time. But once established, people pay for your experience. Otherwise, we starve.
@Louise – Like I said to Jenna, I’m not concerned about the people who can’t afford to pay me. In fact, those people are usually incredibly respectful of my time and would never use a phrase like, “Can I pick your brain?” Truth is, the people who can’t pay me are often the ones who find a way to repay me in other ways. And those who CAN pay me, well, they are who I’m concerned about.
@Carol – I don’t think it’s just about wanting to meet me in person. My experience has shown that those using the phrase (or similar phrases) to ‘Can I pick your brain?’ mostly want my advice, access to my network or my ‘influence’ (that being my ability to tweet or the like and get traffic for them) without paying. Besides, if people want to get to know me in person, they could come out to one of the dozens of events I am going to be at or put on myself (and anyone checking my tweets would know!). After I meet someone and know that they aren’t just wanting to meet me to use my network or influence for their own benefit, I’m happy to hang out one on one when I have the time.
@Michael – I do the same thing. Those who show respect for my time, I usually end up sitting down with! So I break my own rule.
November 30th, 2009 at 7:43 am
I really don’t think Tara is suggesting that she’d actually say these things to anyone. Nobody in these comments is suggesting that.
I just see this post as an amusing way to vent a bit on the fact that there will always be moochers, as well as people who just don’t understand that we do get paid for our expertise.
As more and more free content is available online, that line has been getting a lot more blurry and hard to define. There are plenty of people who may be sincerely confused about what’s appropriate these days in that respect. It’s up to us to draw those boundaries as gracefully as we can.
From everything I’ve seen about Tara, she truly does care about treating people right. That’s what Whuffie is all about, isn’t it?
November 30th, 2009 at 9:23 am
@Louise
Thanks for that. You are right. I wouldn’t suggest being snarky to everyone who asks. Most people ask not knowing that you have been asked by multiple others. I do use #10, though…in better ways, “Sorry. I have made it my policy to not give free advice over a meal any longer. If you have the budget for it, I’d be happy to sit down and get to know more about your company and put together a solid plan. My rate is $200/hr.” Same with public speaking, “Sorry. I am the sole caregiver of a teenager and a dog, so being away from home costs me time with my family (and money to bring in people to care for them while I’m away). If you don’t mind, I’ll connect you with my speaker’s bureau who can negotiate a rate that we can all live with.”
Grace sometimes falls by the wayside when I’m frustrated and tired, though. And yesterday, while frustrated with someone who wouldn’t take no for an answer, I got snarky. To tell you the truth, I don’t really regret it, but I probably should have just ignored the request in the end.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:26 am
sometimes the Universe makes connections all too obvious for me to make. Your post today ties directly to a conversation I had at dinner with some friends this past Saturday.
i made a comment to my friend that I would be looking for some particular advice from them in the far future. keep in mind that my wife and i are professionals that understand the value of one’s time. in other words, i know enough to respect someone’s time and if they feel they need to charge then i will gladly pay.
the comment that sticks with me right now was this: “I tell people that I am willing to give advice as long as I am not stationary. If they want to come with me for a jog or use the elliptical next to mine then i will answer questions as i am able. Working out alone can be tedious, so having a partner is good for me anyway, and in exchange i help give advice while doing something i was planning on doing anyway, so it is not as if i am losing time.”
i actually think this is brilliant and hope to incorporate it myself in some way. so, add this to your list:
“No problem, meet me at noon and we will go for a 3 mile jog.”
or
“No problem, at 5:30 I will be in the gym on the elliptical, grab the one next to mine and I will gladly talk to you for the next 20 minutes.”
It is a wonderful multi-task. You get to workout, you get to help someone else, you get to increase your network, you get to stay healthy, etc. There is very little downside that I see to this approach.
November 30th, 2009 at 10:35 am
@sqlrockstar – that might work because it conveys the message that your time is valuable. And I think that is the biggest piece of the puzzle here. When someone assumes I’m there for the pickin’ and doesn’t respect that I have dozens of other things on my plate and things to think about (and I think it was Cory Doctorow who tweeted that one lunch talking about another project can throw off the rhythm of an entire day), it makes me feel like an object.
So, taking someone as part of my routine (hell, I’d take them grocery shopping!) may be what they need to see me as human, too.
November 30th, 2009 at 9:06 pm
I am turning down more and more lunches these days. In my industry (you know what it is, Tara), my colleagues want to pick my brain AND get me to pay for the lunch.
December 1st, 2009 at 11:01 am
Loved this post! I’ve struggled for years with this concept but I’m getting better and better at standing my ground. When you spend countless hours researching and learning something your passionate about, it almost incomprehensible that someone would expect you to hand over the vital tips/shortcuts/information that it takes weeks,months, or even years to compile.
Glad to see that others have struggled with the same things.
December 2nd, 2009 at 1:12 pm
Love this blog post! I good skill to have is to know how to negotiate. I use to SUCK at it. But now that I know about the art of negotiations- when some asks to ‘pick my brain’ I kick into gear with a response of give and take. What’s in it for me? I ask. They respond, I reply- they reply, I reply- bingobango- I win…and they pick away. Win win! Try it.
December 2nd, 2009 at 9:53 pm
People are so quick to give up their time for coffee or lunch or whatever. But people would balk if asked, “Could you give me $200?” And aren’t the two questions the same. In fact time once gone is gone. So in a lot of ways, it’s more valuable.
So for everyone on here including Tara – If you are a coach/consultant or speaker…
What is the best way to respond and make it a win/win?
December 3rd, 2009 at 1:33 pm
I too have been rode hard and put away wet with no $$ to show for my time.
However, next time you are in the Bay Area could you have Tad rake my yard?
Thanks in advance.
Resuming radio silence…
December 4th, 2009 at 10:10 am
Anyone can pick my brain – - because it’s splattered across the web. You’ll find meaty grey matter of mine on my blog. You’ll find light hearted synapses fired on Facebook. My brain is there ripe for the picking. Oh, you want something special? You want something just for you? That’s a different matter all together…
December 5th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Totally true. So many lost souls think that a lunch will do and that they will extract all the juicy information from there. It is like asking a plumber to work in exchange of some good ol’ meal, or even worse, a coffee. I stopped attending these “let’s-catch-up-and-chit-chat-girl-it’s-been-such-a-long-time-dontcha-think-so” kinda meetings. Pay from day one, or just forget about me.
Funny post, by the way. Way to go!
December 8th, 2009 at 12:25 pm
I’m willing to bet you would allow someone to ‘pick your brain’ if YOU stood to gain materially from it – even if not for cash compensation. Lets say for instance Forbes magazine wanted to ‘pick your brain’ for an article they were writing and would profile you in it. You’d surely be interested then wouldn’t you.
Don’t hold your breath on the call from Forbes.
How much do you think your opinion is worth? $200 you say. Good to know you have so low opinion of your own opinons.
December 9th, 2009 at 3:56 am
If what you wanted was to be paid for your input, when an individual capable paying asks to pick your brain, I’d listen, ponder, throw them a crumb,and tell them you’ll think about their dilemma and get back to them. Defer and postpone the discussion to a later time, then re-contact, tell them you have a solution and a plan that can help, and ask for the order.
If you never want to work with/for them, then the 10 responses you offered will accomplish that.
December 21st, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Great post, Tara!
I often quote one of my early mentors who told me, “You can give away things all you want, but never work for free. It devalues your time and your skill.”
I often see early stage consultants who don’t have enough work doing free work to try to “build a relationship” with a potential customer. The opportunity cost is too high though. Who knows what other connections you could have been making if you were out talking to people instead of doing free work.
And once you are well established…well…then your problem is having too much work. …a problem I’d love to have.