Comments on: Internalizing

By: Miechelle

Miechelle — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:51:28 +0000

Hi Tara
I’ve read this a month after the fact – as I do with most blogs I subscribe to i am almost ashamed to say except that that would be conforming to the rules of giving away my time immediately it is demanded and I try very hard not to conform or externally validate – . Because of my blog “tardiness”, I rarely comment but I am so impressed this post that I was literally compelled to. I have recently emigrated and the massive adjustment that that has taken has caused me to question many of these sorts of things. For one thing and for example, I spent a fortune shipping bags and suitcases of clothing over with me, only to discover that with my new attitude of comfort over pained style, I have given easily 2/3rds away to Goodwill in the last year. I have also always struggled with size of clithing and size of me and have realised very recently just how disempowering that is. I have always told myself that there was something wrong with my body because I didn’t fit into common sizes. What I realised lately is that I am taller than usual, I am small waisted, I am voluptuous and I have very long legs – wth is wrong with that? Took me a damn long time to work that out past all the societal conditioning!

By: Seb Paquet

Seb Paquet — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 06:58:18 +0000

There you go. http://tumble.sebpaquet.net/comfort-win

By: Meryl333@comcast.net

Meryl333@comcast.net — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 22:19:41 +0000

This last year and a half has been quite an experience for you. It’s reflected in the evolution of your thoughts on these weighty topics– yes, even the shoes! Regret we never met up for lunch, yet very glad to know you through your blog, tweets etc. In this dizzying-paced social media environment, it’s good to see you’ve gone deeper into knowing who you are, where your true power lies and what is meaningful to you. I know a young women who follow you who finds it quite inspirational. (FYI)

By: Chelsea

Chelsea — Fri, 23 Oct 2009 02:07:56 +0000

Tara,

I hope we’re all “unpacking” ourselves to a certain degree. The label of our shoes and/or our identities don’t define us, our essence does. Our essence defies even the strictest definition of our personality to reveal a much more powerful, pure, honest and insightful being, where love is limitless and validation unnecessary.

By: Alexander Brown

Alexander Brown — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 05:19:24 +0000

Very thought provoking and interesting, I especially enjoyed “I’m learning slowly to find my power from within..” – because I am trying to do the same.

By: Donna Maria Coles Jo

Donna Maria Coles Jo — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 12:22:29 +0000

Great post! When we strip away everything outside of ourselves, we are left with the raw, naked truth of who we are at our innermost core. That’s where the beauty begins. It’s also where it ends.

By: miss rogue

miss rogue — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:33:40 +0000

@sequined geek

Even balding, overweight men with tests? THERE is where I draw the line.

By: sequined geek

sequined geek — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 13:29:56 +0000

Delightful article! One of the great pleasures of aging is becoming what I call “comfortable in your own skin”. I gave up skinny heels the last time I fell and skinned my knees, and have never had a shortage of male attention, so obviously it wasn’t the heels that they found attractive in me.

Give a few of those balding, overweight men a chance — you might find some gems there, just like they find in us gals with flat shoes.

By: francine hardaway

francine hardaway — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 03:54:27 +0000

Oh man, I was in your shoes:-) I married five different people because my father told me that if I continued to get educated no man would ever marry me, and I wore high heels until I met my last husband and I finally found someone who loved me for who I was and not what I wore. I take that back. Probably none of them loved me for what I wore, but I never saw that. And now, I’m still externalizing. After all, what’s a business besides another form of external validation? But if we go down this road, Hamlet-like we will do nothing. So at least I’ve gotten rid of the woman part, where you wear the F**k me pumps.

I have this kind of conversation with women quite often lately; I think something new is bubbling under the surface. Both my daughters are the primary earners in their families, as I have always been, and you are, and many other women I know. That’s got to change our thinking at some point.

By: Ruth Ann Harnisch

Ruth Ann Harnisch — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 02:58:49 +0000

Well, Tara, I think you should hold out for someone who will not only complement you (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/complement) but compliment you constantly, because you deserve compliments.

Here’s one.

Your message here is a must-read for young women.

I used to indulge in what I call “shoe porn,” and I was wearing a particularly delicious pair one day when a male friend (who was a Women’s Wear Daily subscriber just because he loved fashion) admired them. “Are they comfortable?” he asked. “No, they are not,” I replied.
He regarded me soberly. “I respect that,” he said sincerely.
Strange words, I thought. He respects my wearing uncomfortable shoes because they are gorgeous. Respect. Respect. Do I respect that? Turns out I didn’t respect that, and it was the beginning of the end of my high heel habit.

Now I respect MYSELF enough not to jeopardize my ankles and metatarsals by tottering on tiny stilts. I’m five inches shorter and considerably less glamorous.
But as you have pointed out so well, it’s possible to stand much taller in flats.