Comments on: What is success?

By: Shelley

Shelley — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 21:16:13 +0000

Tara, this is a wonderful post, with lots to think about.

Mostly, what I find myself thinking about is how little time most of us spend interrogating our received ideas of success.

Because I work in a school setting, I spend a lot of time watching students struggle with other people’s definitions of success, and it makes me wonder what kinds of storytelling we could all engage in that would help support people (young people, especially) in moving towards a more personal definition of success.

My own sense of success is derived from my sense of connection and general well-being. A successful day includes laughter, physical affection, interesting ideas, purposeful work, good food, and some down time.

If my life is successful, it will be infused with kindness, wonder, curiosity, and an openness to continuing revelation.

Thank you for all of your wonderful work, and for learning out loud as you go.

By: Gordon Rae

Gordon Rae — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 09:41:33 +0000

Thanks, Tara, for posting this. It’s the first time I’ve seen de Botton speak, and it meant a lot to me, since I used to work for his father, in an investment bank.

I’m surprised to hear that you’ve been struggling with success, because I think you’re awesome. You’re famous for doing the thing that has the maximum integrity for you, as far as I can tell. And, besides, I always thought self-doubt was a boys’ game.

Ultimately, for me, success is qualitative. You don’t have to be 2% more than somebody on any rank or axis. You just have to be the one and only Tara. and you seem to be doing that rather well.

By: Meryl333@comcast.net

Meryl333@comcast.net — Sat, 29 Aug 2009 01:14:27 +0000

So glad you book is selling nicely. In Vedanta teachings we are told over and over to work without expectation. To be in touch with your own dharma (not that of others), do what is in front of you and do it well (mindfully etc). Trying to judge our lives by that of others is a sure formula for misery. We do it all the time, yet it is good to take a microscope up to this nonsense & free ourselves from it.

By: Liza Sperling

Liza Sperling — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:38:00 +0000

I have been trying to define it myself, and as you point out, it’s not easy. The upside is that unless we develop our own definitions, we are chasing someone else’s definition, i.e. barking up the wrong tree.

I love your definition, Tara,’having an amazing group of people around you’, because it describes exactly how you live your life. My take away: if your definition fits what you are ACTUALLY DOING, at least you are on the right track. If not, try again! Thanks for helping me put more thought into my definition.

By: dan

dan — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 23:29:10 +0000

I think the true definition of wisdom is knowing what to care about, and how (and how much) to care about it… I was lucky enough to stumble into some things that made me happy and let me feel as if I was enhancing the overall energy level of the planet, not detracting from it, and that made me happy, so it became my definition of success. For me, it’s all about how much I enjoy looking back on something. Some hedonistic pleasures give me years of pleasure looking back, but mostly it’s the non-tangible things that stick with me – a good feeling, a good morning, a good deed or a good hug. The challenge is keeping my own perspective, but that log-rolling contest is what life’s all about, right?

By: Karen Hartline

Karen Hartline — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:23:29 +0000

Great post and lots to chew on here. What is my definition of success? Bottom line…being happy, which hasn’t been the case 100% of the time lately, which in return makes me feel unsuccessful. *Can I say that on the interwebz?*

What I’m realizing is that others see me as successful, which confirms that 1-we all have different views of being successful and 2-I’m being too hard on myself.

The “What’s Next” dilemma is so frustrating…like you HAVE to top the amazing things you’ve already done. Once you’ve achieved a life long goal/dream, not knowing what’s next is terrifying.

You have to find something that brings you joy and that you can be passionate about…whether that’s lion taming or traveling the world or painting a wall. Don’t feel like you have to tackle something ginormous to feel successful.

And you’re 100% correct that being successful has nothing to do with how much money you have in the bank.

By: Kelly Rusk

Kelly Rusk — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 18:05:09 +0000

I want to print out that quote and put it up on my wall!

To be honest, I’m not exactly sure how I define my own success, I’ve had a pretty laissez-faire attitude so far. Keep feeling like I’m young and I’ll figure it out one day, but time keeps slipping by…

So thanks, you’re inspiring me to put a little more thought into it.

By: Karen

Karen — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:55:15 +0000

Great post on a topic that has been dominating my thoughts for the past six months. What is success? How do we define it? For that matter – what is failure? Is it the opposite? Or is it something else?
As de Botton said in that TED talk – we cannot have it all, so I maintain that success is a life lived in balance and that each of us need to define what that ‘balance’ is. But it is a difficult concept! I’ve been blogging on my thoughts about it because many people I know are struggling with the question.
I’m glad to know that you are writing about the subject! I look forward to hearing what you have to say because I loved The Whuffie Factor. Best wishes as you head on this part of your journey.

By: miss rogue

miss rogue — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:49:27 +0000

@jorge

I think you have a healthy view of success, personally. And thanks for the pointer regarding your friend and the farmers. I love that story. I’ll follow up soon!

By: Jorge

Jorge — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 17:40:47 +0000

Great post Tara. I’m about to graduate from College (in December) and I’m struggling with the thought of What to do with my life once i’m done with college? The usual answer is to get a job and then work, get out, enjoy vacations and keep working. But since I was a kid I figured out I wanted to be a Succesful …. [Fill in Blank]. I never knew what being successful was. First i thought it was getting lot’s of money, certainly all that people with money look happy, I wanted a Ferrari (maybe I’m desperate for love as de Botton says), then i figured out being successful was having a wife that loved me and a family to spend time with. Lately I’ve come up with that being successful is composed, to me, by three main points.

1.- Having enough money to make a living and not be stressed

2.- Having a Family and a community to be proud of and to be there for. Having not just a family, but a group of friends, readers, costumers that you really care about and that they care about you too.

3.- Working in your passion, because working in what you love makes you happy.

Now of regarding your new book: I think that a business that will help me in any of those 3 points or on all of them will help me be happy, I sense that somehow that all my points relate to what you posted in your presentation about Happiness.

As a Business example I have a friend that exports almost all the Coffee Peru produces and he has joined fair trade which of course makes his profits go down a bit, but he is building a sustainable community and now farmers respect him much more than before and there is a healthy relationship. What was pure fights about the price is now a healthy relationship with steady suppliers that reduce his stress and makes a good living for the Coffee producers, long term this is good for both businesses and good for the health of my friend and his suppliers (and now close friends).