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Success [Noun]
1. the achievement of something attempted
2. the attainment of wealth, fame, or position
3. a person or thing that is successful
[from: the Free Dictionary]
I’ve been thinking a great deal about success lately. It’s all that seems to be on my mind lately. This is due to a couple of things:
- My personal struggle with measuring my own success. Having written and published The Whuffie Factor, I quickly came down from the high that is the achievement of actually doing something that is challenging beyond my previous experience and was left with a ‘what’s next?’ feeling that left me restless and, frankly, a little frightened as to what to do with myself now. In general, people are getting a lot out of the book and I receive messages daily thanking me for writing it. I could call that a resounding success as that was my goal: write a book that will help others achieve their own success. However, though it wasn’t my own measure, the questions on ‘sales numbers’ and ‘Amazon ranking’ plague me. My book is selling well and consistently, but it’s not on a best seller list and I haven’t been featured in the book section of the New York Times. Why should I be concerned with that if that wasn’t my goal? If it doesn’t fit within my own measure of what ‘success’ would mean for my first book?
- Keeping up with the Joneses. A good friend of mine, Liza Sperling, sent me this awesome TED video:
The video sent me reeling. The quote in de Botton’s message that made me really cheer was this, “So what I want to argue for, is not that we should give up on our ideas of success. But we should make sure that they are our own. We should focus in on our ideas. And make sure that we own them, that we are truly the authors of our own ambitions. Because it’s bad enough, not getting what you want. But it’s even worse to have an idea of what it is you want, and find out at the end of a journey, that it isn’t, in fact, what you wanted all along.” Comparison to others is something that plagues human beings in general. But what we compare ourselves by is unfortunately boiled down to common tools that don’t include the myriad of experiences of success.
- Short-term and short-sighted thinking. Success in terms of aggressive financial growth, zero-sum winner-takes-all competition and short-term (and often temporary) success ruling over long-term thinking about success have been established ideologies in North American corporate culture for as long as I’ve been in the working world. There is a fervent focus on numbers without what those numbers mean, who the people are behind those numbers and what they are experiencing that leads to the desire for quick acquisition of numbers without thought to what that means to important outcomes like customer experience, product improvement and innovation and, well, whuffie.
- The value of human beings. Whatever happened to the triple bottom line where we started to realize that there is great opportunity in valuing People, Planet and Profit equally? This ties back to short term thinking as those companies with a triple bottom line have achieved long term success (ex. Clif Bar, Toyota, Khiels, Google, Dupont, Timberland, Stonyfield Farms, etc), but not without some struggle and patience to get there. And much of that struggle and patience is the result of having to explain to investors that by balancing the three P’s, there will be long term outcomes much more lucrative than a short-term push that leaves the company with a poor reputation and a mess to clean up. But because there isn’t a direct measure of the value of People and Planet, this is an incredibly difficult argument to make. If a stock isn’t performing, people will dump it and move to one that is. There are no ‘stocks’ in humans or the environment. But there are very significant impacts on stocks over the long term because of humans, which is a part of the discourse that is missing from the recent economic melt-down (and now seems to be missing from the discussion on healthcare). And the environmental impact is predicted to be a growing concern for everyone, especially industry.
I assume that most of us struggle with this. In our heart of hearts, we define success very differently than how it is commonly measured. When asked about their definition of success, most people I know answer with things like: health, happy family, fulfillment at work, the ability to help others, owning your own home, etc. Of course, many of these results require a certain level of income, but the income is tied to relationships, our bodies and our environment. So, if our personal definitions of success include non-monetary, non-numeric results, shouldn’t our broader definitions as well? And why aren’t we pushing back on these measures more? This should be a regular topic of conversation as I think it makes us miserable and anxious.
I’ve been harping on the theme of ‘what we measure communicates what we value’ for a couple of years now and I think I may have even found a way to tie everything back together…in what will be my next book (working title, “Happiness as Your Business Model: why a bottom line that benefits all is good economics”).
So, what is your definition of success? What makes you happy? Do you have personal or professional stories and case studies to share that support my thesis? I’d love your input and help. And thank you for continuing to support me. That I have an amazing group of people around me is my own definition of success.
Great post Tara. I’m about to graduate from College (in December) and I’m struggling with the thought of What to do with my life once i’m done with college? The usual answer is to get a job and then work, get out, enjoy vacations and keep working. But since I was a kid I figured out I wanted to be a Succesful …. [Fill in Blank]. I never knew what being successful was. First i thought it was getting lot’s of money, certainly all that people with money look happy, I wanted a Ferrari (maybe I’m desperate for love as de Botton says), then i figured out being successful was having a wife that loved me and a family to spend time with. Lately I’ve come up with that being successful is composed, to me, by three main points.
1.- Having enough money to make a living and not be stressed
2.- Having a Family and a community to be proud of and to be there for. Having not just a family, but a group of friends, readers, costumers that you really care about and that they care about you too.
3.- Working in your passion, because working in what you love makes you happy.
Now of regarding your new book: I think that a business that will help me in any of those 3 points or on all of them will help me be happy, I sense that somehow that all my points relate to what you posted in your presentation about Happiness.
As a Business example I have a friend that exports almost all the Coffee Peru produces and he has joined fair trade which of course makes his profits go down a bit, but he is building a sustainable community and now farmers respect him much more than before and there is a healthy relationship. What was pure fights about the price is now a healthy relationship with steady suppliers that reduce his stress and makes a good living for the Coffee producers, long term this is good for both businesses and good for the health of my friend and his suppliers (and now close friends).
@jorge
I think you have a healthy view of success, personally.
And thanks for the pointer regarding your friend and the farmers. I love that story. I’ll follow up soon!
Great post on a topic that has been dominating my thoughts for the past six months. What is success? How do we define it? For that matter – what is failure? Is it the opposite? Or is it something else?
As de Botton said in that TED talk – we cannot have it all, so I maintain that success is a life lived in balance and that each of us need to define what that ‘balance’ is. But it is a difficult concept! I’ve been blogging on my thoughts about it because many people I know are struggling with the question.
I’m glad to know that you are writing about the subject! I look forward to hearing what you have to say because I loved The Whuffie Factor. Best wishes as you head on this part of your journey.
I want to print out that quote and put it up on my wall!
To be honest, I’m not exactly sure how I define my own success, I’ve had a pretty laissez-faire attitude so far. Keep feeling like I’m young and I’ll figure it out one day, but time keeps slipping by…
So thanks, you’re inspiring me to put a little more thought into it.
Great post and lots to chew on here. What is my definition of success? Bottom line…being happy, which hasn’t been the case 100% of the time lately, which in return makes me feel unsuccessful. *Can I say that on the interwebz?*
What I’m realizing is that others see me as successful, which confirms that 1-we all have different views of being successful and 2-I’m being too hard on myself.
The “What’s Next” dilemma is so frustrating…like you HAVE to top the amazing things you’ve already done. Once you’ve achieved a life long goal/dream, not knowing what’s next is terrifying.
You have to find something that brings you joy and that you can be passionate about…whether that’s lion taming or traveling the world or painting a wall. Don’t feel like you have to tackle something ginormous to feel successful.
And you’re 100% correct that being successful has nothing to do with how much money you have in the bank.
I think the true definition of wisdom is knowing what to care about, and how (and how much) to care about it… I was lucky enough to stumble into some things that made me happy and let me feel as if I was enhancing the overall energy level of the planet, not detracting from it, and that made me happy, so it became my definition of success. For me, it’s all about how much I enjoy looking back on something. Some hedonistic pleasures give me years of pleasure looking back, but mostly it’s the non-tangible things that stick with me – a good feeling, a good morning, a good deed or a good hug. The challenge is keeping my own perspective, but that log-rolling contest is what life’s all about, right?
I have been trying to define it myself, and as you point out, it’s not easy. The upside is that unless we develop our own definitions, we are chasing someone else’s definition, i.e. barking up the wrong tree.
I love your definition, Tara,’having an amazing group of people around you’, because it describes exactly how you live your life. My take away: if your definition fits what you are ACTUALLY DOING, at least you are on the right track. If not, try again! Thanks for helping me put more thought into my definition.
So glad you book is selling nicely. In Vedanta teachings we are told over and over to work without expectation. To be in touch with your own dharma (not that of others), do what is in front of you and do it well (mindfully etc). Trying to judge our lives by that of others is a sure formula for misery. We do it all the time, yet it is good to take a microscope up to this nonsense & free ourselves from it.
Thanks, Tara, for posting this. It’s the first time I’ve seen de Botton speak, and it meant a lot to me, since I used to work for his father, in an investment bank.
I’m surprised to hear that you’ve been struggling with success, because I think you’re awesome. You’re famous for doing the thing that has the maximum integrity for you, as far as I can tell. And, besides, I always thought self-doubt was a boys’ game.
Ultimately, for me, success is qualitative. You don’t have to be 2% more than somebody on any rank or axis. You just have to be the one and only Tara. and you seem to be doing that rather well.
Tara, this is a wonderful post, with lots to think about.
Mostly, what I find myself thinking about is how little time most of us spend interrogating our received ideas of success.
Because I work in a school setting, I spend a lot of time watching students struggle with other people’s definitions of success, and it makes me wonder what kinds of storytelling we could all engage in that would help support people (young people, especially) in moving towards a more personal definition of success.
My own sense of success is derived from my sense of connection and general well-being. A successful day includes laughter, physical affection, interesting ideas, purposeful work, good food, and some down time.
If my life is successful, it will be infused with kindness, wonder, curiosity, and an openness to continuing revelation.
Thank you for all of your wonderful work, and for learning out loud as you go.