~jon

as chris said on his blog post he really learned a lot from you, and for sure you learned a lot from chris too. I think this is a good example to see how you can learn from relationships.

since i’m at a young age i hope to get relationships to learn from in the future. maybe this has been the most mature post i’ve ever made, but well i really liked the article and the fact that one the persons i really admire because of your work in coworking, pinko marketing , bar camp and your book i can know as a real human being too.

that stuff was crazy just 15 years ago.

keep up with being like you are, because you know that that is the way all your friends (from SF, Canada or twitter) like you

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But before I make those, I do want to preface by stating that Bernice is obviously a fantastic writer, and really did some great research in writing this article, obviously. She’s also a nice person, so this is not meant as a slam to her in any way.

That being said, the story leaves kind of an exploitative taste in my mouth, to be totally honest with you. I know that Chris wrote that Bernice was already scooped several times, but the real story here in my opinion is still the incredible work that Chris and Tara have been involved in doing, and not their public break-up, or open-ness about their relationship(s).

Public break-ups, particularly online, are definitely nothing new. http://livejournal.com and myspace.com are literally strewn with years and years of people’s personal pain, and not just the lives of voyeurs, but genuine honest/open people, too. This stuff has been going on online for over 10 years now.

The really new thing, the really important thing here is the social phenomenon of coworking, *Camps, “pinko marketing”, “spreadlove”, Oauth, emergent collaboration online and offline, and the role that Chris and Tara played in spreading this, helping people make it work.

In case you haven’t noticed, the human species and our planet are on a collision-course with at least 8-9 different cataclysmic, potentially civilization-destroying factors http://www.earthscan.co.uk/Default.aspx?TabId=642&currentreview=1 over the next 20 years.

The stuff that Chris and Tara have worked and are working on present some genuine building blocks towards ways of solving problems of existince, that people could use to possibly accelerate the avoidance of some of those looming problems. This is way more interesting to me personally than their breakup (although it is sad to know that they broke up.) Their breakup was worth reporting no doubt. But, I am here to tell you that ideas, theories, and actual usable applictions they are trying to infuse into society are far, far more important.

Just know that you’ve been an inspiration to those of us trying to live a more transparent life, and who would like to bring that ethos into business.

Kudos to you!

Vulnerability…oh yes! It’s wonderful and it sucks. It’s all about risk, as you know. And think of how boring if we just hid our heads in the sand!

Take care…you are a hero! Arvis

Bruce McEwen and his work on Allostasis http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allostasis is very related to this, too. “Allostatic load” is too much of the “fight or flight” reaction going on for too long. Anger is one sign of this. (I know this personally, because anger is how I often cope with fear, too). He has a book that is definitely worth reading where he explains the neuro-endochrine system in layperson’s terms http://www.amazon.com/End-Stress-As-We-Know/dp/0309076404 (End of Stress as We Know It) That along with Steve Johnson’s “Mind Wide Open”, and the Emotional Intelligence book mentioned by Dave Doolin above, can give you a really good idea of what is going on.

Actually, Graves’s research shows that, when confronted with new or different stresses, we either “regress” back to earlier ways of solving problems, or “circle the wagons” and stay steadfastly where we are at, or we find new ways of solving problems. Or, we may do go through all three.

So, it is natural and normal to go through “regressive” ways of solving problems when confronted with change, and then eventually move on from that into “progressive” ways of solving problems.

One of the built in good things about living “openly” is that there is an instant feedback loop from yourself to yourself, that can give you insight into yourself and the ways you are solving problems very quickly. Plus, there is consolidating support from other people out there who have connected with you. Look at all of the comments in this post, for instance. And there is of course insight from the feedback of others.

So, even though living online, and openly is a new problem for the human species to confront (especially for someone like you, Tara, who is splashed with virtual tidal wave of attention), there are also some inherent properties in the medium that support and reinforce those who use it in positive ways, I think.