So, on New Years Eve, a bunch of us picked a ‘Themeword’ (credit for the idea goes to Erica Douglas) and mine was pretty clearly: TRANSITION. I saw 2008 as a year of wrapping up things in progress (or things I needed to finally take care of) and moving onto my next phase in life (whatever that may be). It just popped into my head and there it was.
The morning brought the first transition. This was one I didn’t foresee on New Years, but was one that arose nonetheless. Chris Messina and I ended our romantic relationship.
So, what does this particular transition mean? How am I doing with it?
Well, let me tell you, that it did break my heart to see it come to an end, but it is something that we needed to do. Although our intellectual and professional relationship is awesome and we continue to collaborate, we hadn’t been paying much attention to the emotional side for quite sometime. We tried from time to time, but, well, we had SUCH an easy time connecting through our projects and our work and it was a bit of a struggle with the emotional, so we spent way more time over the past 2.5 years connecting the easy way. This sort of neglect takes a toll on a love life and we just didn’t want to continue to hurt one another, so we came to terms with it, hugged and decided to end the romantic part before it could destroy the professional part.
I still love Chris very much…and respect him highly. He means the world to me and I’m proud to call him my partner…in business. I just won’t be calling him my PiC any longer.
I am still a little sad, but there are hopeful times ahead. Citizen Agency remains. I continue writing my book. Citizen Space is still open for all to drop in. Thanks for your continued support. You all rock.
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57 Comments
This type of transition is always so hard. My thoughts are with you.
Sorry to hear it. Best wishes for both of you in this transition.
Wow, breakup 2.0 Tara, sorry to hear the news. I wish you both the best of luck in future and join you in looking forward into a hopeful future.
Take care.
*hug*
Never easy, but good that you both recognized what was going on before it could fester and hurt your friendship and working relationship.
Best of luck in the adjustment to you both.
-Rick/Fungible
many hugs to you both.
i understand on many levels.
Aww… *hugs*
Sorry to hear about that. Having been going through this myself over the past year+, all I can say is surround yourself with your friends. They’ll always be there, and are a great way to get emotional support when needed.
You’re both still 2 of my favorite people, and I can’t imagine life without being inspired by either of you, individually or together.
As I said earlier, mega-hugs from the east coast.
You’re quite the inspiration … so keep inspiring us — that’s something that I suspect will never be transitioned away.
M
Tara, you and Chris have always been courageous, passionate, wise and respectful. You have also been very charitable and caring for the communities you have been involved in over the years.
Your communities are here for you. Don’t hesitate to lean on them.
My thoughts are with both of you in hoping for the best through this transition.
Tara–
It is amazing to me how transparent our world is becoming. While you are the first digerati couple to *announce* your split via your social media presences, you’re not the first in my circle to send out an honest and respectful announcement that your relationship will no longer be romantic.
Besides the best wishes and virtual hugs for you both, there’s the admiration for your integrity in manifesting these changes in the (ever so public) virtual world.
Warmly, Susan
You guys are both so great, and so effective. I’m saddened that the romantic liaison didn’t last but amazed that you can so smoothly continue on as collaborators.
Also, you are incredibly brave to be so *open* about this.
I feel really lucky to know you both.
Be easy with yourselves.
Tara,
Sorry to hear, but I’m confident both of you will continue to create great things together in business. It’s admirable to be able to address this in a public forum.
That being said, if you ever need a sushi date, I’m almost always available
*hug*
Tara,
Even though you don’t know me, I’ve been following you & chris for quite a while on twitter (as much as can be called “quite a while” on a year-old service
). I’m really sorry to hear that you & Chris ending your relationship…and if you ever need to just talk (even to someone you barely know) or to be listened to, just let me know.
Sometimes just hearing a friendly, non-involved voice can help in not-so-happy times.
You, of all people, will be *fine*, but that doesn’t make it any less sad for you.
-a
Well, I’m thinking of you. Enormous yet inadequate internet hugs will have to do until I see you again.
Tara, my thoughts are with you both through this difficult time. I appreciate the courage in sharing it with the community.
Best wishes to you Tara … good luck with the book too!
Hi Tara,
It sounds like you two have thought this through and while it may be difficult during the transition period, sometimes things work out for the best.
I commend you both for coming to this realization early on in the game rather than spending years trying to make something work, that in the end may not be ideal.
There are reasons for everything and it sounds like 2008 will be full of wonderful surprises for you. I wish you both the best.
This is completely off the subject…but I really like your hair in this picture.
Best always,
Stephanie
Thanks Dawn….:)
I spent about 5 minutes trying to write a message for you and Chris respectively and I discovered that I’m horrible at it.
Just know that there are a lot of people that care about both of you and we’re here if you need us.
Ian
I am so sad for you two and happy at the same time. The breaking of a romance is terribly hard, but being rational about the great team you are professionally is really amazing. I wish both of you great peace, strength, and nurturing (as you have nurtured and supported all of those around you) through this next growing season.
I was sorry to hear your news Tara. I left a note at Factory Joe’s post as well — but I’ve gone through the end of a 20 year marriage this year. I can assure you there are the inevitable difficult times, but if it’s important to you (as it appears to be), you can most assuredly keep your friendship and working relationship.
My ex is living with me for the next month or two while transitioning and it’s been lovely. I’ve enjoyed him and he’s a great friend. The fact that we can’t remain married isn’t even an issue anymore really. Remember to focus on the good in each other and show each other respect (but I don’t think I have to tell you two that)…
Hugs… See you at SXSW,
Stef.
Very proud of the courage both of y’all demonstrate daily in a very public forum. And that you continue to demonstrate with this post.
Yet still excited for the future of Citizen Space! For your amazing posts and work. And happy that you and Chris will continue to collaborate.
Thinking of you both, wishing you guys the best in the future.
{{{{{{{{{{{ Tara }}}}}}}}}} Best to you both. xo
Well, that sux shit.
My best to you both.
Tara, a big hug goes out to you from NYC. Hope you can feel it.
I’m saddened to see you two going your separate ways romantically but impressed and happy to see that you’re keeping this important (for us as for you) professional combination going, and handling it in such a mature way. Best of luck to you both.
Does this mean Chris is available?
A truly inspiring way to move forward - for the both of you.
Best of luck.
As one who struggles with the “how much of my personal life do I share?” conundrum on my own website, I can clearly say that this is both courageous and honest and I respect you both so much for that. Know that I’m thinking of you both and am inspired by your candor. Many, many best wishes to you and Chris.
Ow. (that hurts) and, wow. (that’s very brave, mature and strong)
Tara, it’s been forever it seems since I have commented here, but as somebody who is in the midst of a divorce “transition” myself, this post certainly hit a nerve with me. I sincerely wish you both the best. It is never easy to do- no matter how prepared we might feel intellectually or emotionally. If I were in the Bay Area, I’d offer to buy you a beer and a sympathetic ear as somebody who truly “gets” what you are experiencing.
My very best to you.
*hugs*
I have been great fan of both of you. I will remain.
All the best to both of you.
*Hugs* Best wishes to you both as you work through his transition
It’s a funny thing this connected world that I’m as sad as I am to hear that. I can only offer good wishes and the hope you guys continue to make your demonstrably powerful relationship work.
Why is it that it feel like chris’s post is spin control and your post is the emotional disclosure with notes of betrayal and pathos?
I felt this announcement in my gut. What a life/world it is to be announcing a breakup so publicly, with such an emotional impact on such a broad network that cares about you. You’re navigating something that few people have had to navigate before you. I wish you strength, support, and a large open unpodcasted space that you can fill with screams.
My thoughts are with you.
Hey Observations,
Knowing Chris as well as I do, I know that his message was as heartfelt as it gets. One of the ongoing issues in our relationship was that he had a tough time expressing himself emotionally and I had too easy of a time expressing myself emotionally. So, yes, I speak from the heart, but when I read Chris’ post, I was really impressed how much he actually did get out of his head. What you are observing is our true personalities coming through in our writing.
Though I’m really sorry to hear this, I hope you both end up getting what you need. You deserve it.
Guess it wasn’t meant to be… tough, but you’ll get through it.
Malgosia & I always enjoyed our double-dates… but 3-way works too!!! Anytime Tara.
I wasn’t sure if I should leave a comment, but since you both live your lives in the open I figured it’s the least I can do.
It has been such a joy getting to know you both over the last several months, and while some things change, some things stay the same. I know it will be hard, from time to time, to continue on as collaborators and partners, but I respect that choice immensely.
Since it is often only with loss that people say things from the heart (something Anna and I have witnessed so often over the last couple of months), I just want to let you know how much you’ve inspired me. If we could bottle your energy, wisdom, and the nurturing you provide all the communities your fostered, the world would certainly be a better place.
Take care. Hugs to you, virtually and in real life. Coffee, sushi, Indian food, anytime.
Sending you and Chris warm thoughts and virtual hugs. The next time I’m in the Bay Area, margaritas are on me.
May all your transitions be for the best in the long run, sad as they may be at the time! You’ll both be in my thoughts.
Saddened, heartened, encouraged, inspired and amazed all at the same time guys. Wishing you both the best.
sad to hear this news - but still you guys rock deciding to continue your excellent work together - I wish you both all the best for the future
I am so so sorry to hear this. Tara you rock and we WILL get you out to Australia in 2008. promise.
So sorry to hear of this. Big hugs from Paris. J’espère te voir bientôt.
Wow. Sorry. Take care.
When you first hinted at this on Twitter, I felt it in my gut. I feel for you. I too have had unexpected transitions, and they always led to something great, eventually. But it was hard giving up the mutual dreams. I think you are very brave in your openness.
Since I read your post and Chris’ a few days ago, I’ve been wondering how I can show my support without it just echoing everyone else’s comments.
But now, come to think of it, I will echo what everyone else said; we have huge amounts of respect for you both, you’re an inspiration to many of us and the way in which you’ve handled this situation goes to show that the end of a romance doesn’t necessarily have to mean the end of a friendship and long-term complicité.
And be happy it’s not Groundhog Day. It’s the day where you take one more step forward towards New Tara.
Lots of love from your fellow expat,
Vero
xoxo
Hi Tara,
Having had the great experience of spending time getting to know you and Chris both professionally and personally over the last year my heart is with you both.
As you said, changes & transitions. You’ve both have been incredible honest & open with your friends & community and it’s inspiring to see you both continuing this approach through these times of changes.
I think is speaks volumes of both of you & what your company speaks for.
Wishes of happy days ahead from Montreal for you both.
Hey,
I just saw this. I had felt that something was different from your twitters but did not know why. Anyway, so sad to hear this.
But so great the way that you have both handled this with sensitivity, gentleness and openness. I wish you all the best.
rashmi
I’ll leave the same comment as I just left for Chris, since it was meant for both of you:
The maturity and clarity with which you’ve approached and handled this situation amazes me, even if I simply observe from afar. You should be both be quite proud of yourselves. Please do remember to leave room to heal.
Hi Tara!
I know I’m seeing you tomorrow night, but thought it appropriate to state here (so I don’t make you process it all with me in person… not that we don’t have to talk about it, but you know what I’m saying) that I’m actually just ‘getting’ that you two are actually split up for real. I had seen a tweet or two that made me wonder, but didn’t know for sure until today.
So, beyond a little shock (which I’m sure you’ve had to deal with only because everyone loves to see a happy couple!) and feeling your pain through such a tough decision… I just want to say that it takes great courage to come to a realization like this within a relationship.
Thank you for sharing yourself and being such an incredible dynamic woman both personally and professionally.
Look forward to toasting your new chapter tomorrow night!
Lots of love
xo
w
I know I’m late to the game hearing about this, but I’m really saddened to hear this.
Glad you will both maintain your professional and friendship relationships.
I’m bummed, but think you’re both fantastic folks that are additive to the industry.
Wow, I only just heard about this. I’m in one really sorry to hear you guys have split up but on the other hand its great you both came to the conclusion before things got very complicated, bitter or even nasty. I wish you both luck and hope to drop into CitizenSpace some time this year. I will also see you Tara in Newcastle in May for thinkingdigital
I just heard the news and am so sorry. Transitions are never easy, but often have a silver lining. Here’s to finding yours soon. You guys are in my thoughts!
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