RE: Calling Chris Locke a sad soul who blames others in the SF Chron.
I really need to watch what I say to reporters. I have a knack for making statements that either get hyperbolized or, more likely, are printed exactly how they came across and what I should realize is how awful they sound in the first place. I could say that I was reacting out of latent anger for the events (the swarm in that fateful post) that led to meankids.org, which has left me totally self-conscious about everything I write, which may be a good thing, but I think it leaves me swallowing alot of resentment. But I’m an adult and should learn to deal with my anger in a more productive way…especially after I make statements about dealing with anger in more productive ways.
This is probably the least proud I am of anything I’ve ever said to a reporter. I am usually a pretty positive person and try to empathize with everyone. I didn’t with Chris. I took the evidence that I knew was true (that he started both meankids.org and unclebobisms - both documented with Wordpress) and extended way into judgment territory. All I know about Chris is what he writes online. I know that I’ve had to stop reading him several times because of highly sexualized posts about women. I also know that he has written at least two amazingly brilliant books, The Cluetrain Manifesto
But I don’t know the whole story. And even though I still believe Locke, as ringleader for the people in this group, is responsible for making certain this group does not get out of hand, I have no right to cast judgment on his life. Or make ridiculously sweeping statements about his character.
I said it, and I can’t ‘take it back’, but I apologize to Chris for putting that statement out there. It was wrong and hurtful and I did something no better than what happened at meankids.org.
View Tara Hunt's profile
16 Comments
If we were sued every time we said things we later regretted, we’d all be “constantly broke and angry.” But if we thought about everything we were going to say first, from every possible angle, we’d likely never say anything at all. Fortunately, we’re human, and can error-correct as we go. Glad to see this from you, Tara. Here’s to better days ahead. (and btw, Henry Ford really *was* a… jerk.)
It isn’t just Chris who is affected by what has transpired this past ten days or so.
More reputations than his have been unjustly besmirched and for what I consider is nothing short of dishonesty and scapegoating on Kathy Sierra’s part.
She has simply made too many claims now for any of them to have any real credibility and more are on the way on CNN on Monday morning. I’ll be looking forward to seeing how they’ve changed since the original flap made the news.
I crossed swords with Chris Locke a couple of years ago and of everyone with whom I’ve ever crossed swords, I haven’t found any to be more open to discussion and resolution than he is.
I made a comment on your Higher Purpose entry as well, and if I were to offer a definition of what might pass for Higher Purpose, then I would suggest adopting the standard of the individual as being the highest purpose of all. If one individual is guaranteed the right to their life, liberty and property, then the rights of all individuals and thereby society are also protected.
When people go about claiming they have a right to some sort of exception to the general rule, problems invariably arise.
I claim a right not to visit websites which I feel are contrary to my ethics and to remain ignorant of their content. I claim a right to ignore and delete any comments I find objectionable for any reason. I confer those rights on everyone else on the planet as well.
Hi Tara - we met briefly at a conference a while back in Phx one year.
Just read your comment over on O’Reilly Radar. My sentiments exactly, though it’s hard for someone who has not been attacked to express them.
Keep on truckin’ like you have been, as you’ve seen, trolls get bored pretty easily when you steal any would-be thunder away from them.
Kathy… well, no comment on that one.
Way to go girl!
You are 100% right, Chris. Henry Ford was a jerk + an anti-semite. And I should have removed that reference from the get-go. I hope things turn out.
Right. I appreciate what you are saying Paul. On my own blog, I think I refrained from pointing fingers (I only stated what I experienced as part of this…the background story), but I suppose a few of my addendums could be misconstrued as finger-pointing, so I went back and corrected them.
Personally, I believe that, once all of the smoke has cleared, everyone will be feeling raw, but nobody will be too damaged. But then again, I’ve been naive in the past.
I read your comment on the Radar and thought it was very smart. Part of the issue during this storm has been many people who were not involved conjecturing wildly…on all sides. I don’t claim to know all of what went down. I don’t think Kathy would even know. Everyone in the situation has pieces to the puzzle.
I do believe, though, the death threats on her blog are from a different person than the sites discussed…and then there was a subsequent asshole spreading around Kathy’s SSN + address with a bunch of bogus stories. Different people, but connected by one thread:
mass attention
Everyone got it in this affair. Some were interviewed by major news stations and papers who hadn’t been involved at all. Some got it without wanting it who weren’t really involved. I hesitated posting because I didn’t want to be part of that, but posted to try and clear up some misrepresentations and make a call for civility.
Thanks for your comments.
Thanks Zo. When I saw that printed in the SF Gate, my heart sunk and I felt like an instant asshole.
Tara, I want to be up front, and immediately so … I don’t know that I sent a proper ping, being on Blogger, but one of my latest posts ended up being about you. I wrote and wrote, looking for the heart of this thing … and, correct or off the mark, that’s what was left, when all else was winnowed away. None of it is blame, that should be apparent, but what’s true seems to be the drive behind so much of my work, IRL. “Feeling like an asshole” is certainly not something I hoped to underscore, but that through our difficulties, telling the truth to ourselves and to each other … is the only way out, and through. The post is Big Stink In Little China … read it if you haven’t, and correspond if you like.
Zo
No, I saw it.
I didn’t respond because, well, I made a new rule for myself. Don’t respond when you are feeling defensive. And I read that and felt defensive (especially the therapy part, but hell, after years of it for various things, I shouldn’t since I was taught that therapy isn’t for crazy people, it’s for people who want to be better people…I may be fooling myself).
I knew the truth as soon as I saw that article in the SF Chron. Seriously. My heart sank. I knew I had become a mean kid.
Probably because I was still reeling from the incident. That I had never gotten over it. That I wallowed and felt sorry for myself, using defiance as my mask or something. I take everything much too personally. I’m a Cancerian with the worst possible level of sensitivity, but I mask it with my defensiveness and defiance. And I used an interview to attack back. Not cool. Although, let it be known that I had emailed Locke directly during that incident personally. I think that’s when the swarm arrived. Shortly thereafter. Which left me feeling betrayed…but no more betrayed than Locke must have felt when I dismissed his own desire for a voice.
Well, I’m really still trying to think through this stuff myself. I thought about more posts, but I’m going to hold off until I get my head straight around them. I’m still feeling raw. I know Kathy is and no matter what anyone thinks, she reacted in her own defense, which I think she wants to take back, too. She didn’t intend to have this level of chaos occur. Perhaps those of us with heightened emotions will always have this difficulty: the instant need to defend or react. I know that I keep working on it. You’d be surprised to hear that I’m 1000x better than I used to be. Ask my Mom or any previous boyfriend. I’ve come a helluva long way. It comes with the territory of feeling empathy. I know that sounds backass, but it does.
Okay…thanks Zo. Just so you know, I’m going to keep twittering AND going to therapy.
Just so you know, the Twitter line was …whatever the linguistic term, not metaphor … but not literal either. It was a line of wriring, that both finished the piece (I can’t help think like a writer, that’s what I are) and made a larger, wider point. About parentling, about overextending oneself … I suppose about boundaries, in general. And you revealed more about yourself than you know, on what I call the Thread From Hell , and it’s reasonably touching …and I oughtta shut up now. Take care.
No…please…
I mean, feel free to email me. We can have a conversation offline, if you’d like.
As a participant on both the “bad blogs” in question I’d just like to say that calling Chris a “ringleader” rather detracts from the responsibility we all share and the sense we each have of our own agency. Chris was not a ringleader. I’m grateful he has seen fit to be a public face for us all, since I sure as hell have no interest in talking with reporters.
I was also glad to see the comments exchange between you two at the top of this thread.
Is that a happy ending peering over the horizon? It’s a joy to see dialogue beginning to replace all the rage and retribution over this issue.
Maybe we can stop calling each other (and/or ourselves) mean kids now.
xx
Tara, you have been very brave. This deal is over. Time for everyone to heal get on with LIFE. Not virtual life for the moment, but REAL LIFE.
I propose that this is the new theme song for Tara’s blog:
We’re All In The Same Gang
“Don’t you know we’ve got to put our heads together…”
One Trackback
[...] I Own my Own Words, indeed by Tara Hunt (apology re here) [...]