It really just hit me. I'm leaving for FOO Camp tomorrow morning. I've been so busy with client work, travel and other such things that I've barely thought about it. But now time is winding down and I realize: um. Yeah. I'm going to FOO.

It feels like summer camp again.

You know that scene: Mom and Dad pack your stuff and drive you off into the middle of nowhere where they dump you off, running and giggling back to the car, and yell as they pull away in a cloud of dust, "Have fun! See you in three weeks!" as you stand there, clinging to your bedroll, looking around at what looks like a campground full of kids who ostensibly know one another already. Knees knocking, you make your way to your cabin...not knowing whether your bunkmates will like you or put snakes in your bed.

And there are many people on the list who I know, but they are all pretty much my heroes, so that scares the beejeebees out of me. Kathy was nice enough to drop me a line a few weeks back, telling me her 'First FOO' experience - how she was afraid she would have nothing to offer because she thought everyone present was just so much smarter than her. Heh. It was nice to know one of my heroes and mentors felt the same way years ago...but I still have the butterflies.

Funny thing, that. As a kid, I think I was much cockier then than I am now. I ran directly into the biggest group of girls and joined in on the activity, asserting myself confidently. I didn't concern myself with impressions or the like. I was happily unaware when I was the irritating one, or the show off, or the know it all. Over the years, I've become so extremely self-aware, it's almost a neurosis. It makes me a wonderful empath and 'team player', but not much of a self-promoter.

But maybe I'm nervous for nothing. Perhaps everyone there feels the same. Maybe they aren't as non-plussed as I imagine them to be - an 'in crowd' of brilliant academic types, skillfully debating the validity of the Long Tail (the topic du jour) and the advantages of Rails over PHP-based design, my eyes glazing over, hoping to find a place in the conversation where I recognize a topic I can contribute to.

Chris has this thing about the Gym (and I may get in trouble here, but...). When he doesn't feel he is in ship-shop-shape, he doesn't like to go because he's concerned about what those who are in shape around him will think (which defeats the purpose, really). I told him, "C'mon hun. Everyone at the gym is too busy worrying about their own faults to worry about yours."

I should listen to my own advice.

Bah. I've functioned in the world of academe previously, having dated a professor of English many years back. As an undergrad, it just pushed me to work harder so I could not only contribute to the conversation at the cocktail parties, I actually had papers accepted into academic journals and conferences. As the engineer at the radio station said to me this morning, "No need to be nervous. They invited you because they look at you as an 'expert' in your area." Just the thought of that distinction loosened me up (mostly because of the irony).

Now I have to stop blogging about my anxiety and actually get ready - both my presentation and my packing.

Chris as well as hundreds of others from 20 other locations worldwide will be participating in BarCampEarth this weekend (the local to SF one is at Stanford). You'd think after going to a gazillion BarCamps around the world, I would have gotten used to this (believe me, I'm nervous before I present at BarCamp, too).

Have fun at BarCamp, FOOCamp...whateverCamp you are attending this weekend and thanks for...um...listening.