BlogHer and the issue of unctuousness
Right off the top, I want to absolutely, completely and wholly congratulate Lisa, Elisa and Jory for what they have done with BlogHer. They have created an amazing, essential community. I am in no way discounting the good work they have done.
Several people over the two days at BlogHer pinged me to ask why I wasn't there. Besides working around the clock on our new business, the fact that it was quite a trek for me to get there (I really dislike the Caltrain and avoid it at all costs), lack of extra conference money (starting a new business is expensive), and wanting to spend a weekend around home (laundry, spending time with Tad, cleaning the house, etc. because we are off to Boston next weekend and last weekend we were in North Carolina and it never seems like we are home)...I just didn't think the content was meant for me.
"Content not meant for you!?" people asked, "But you are a woman and a blogger! Not to mention a mom! And there are lots of people asking about you."
Nope. Not for me. I'm a woman. Yes. And a blogger. Yes. And a mom. Yes. But not for me. Besides...from all accounts, it sounds as if it was filled with marketers and leering men, discovering the wonders of women who dig technology. Yech.
I won't name names (and I don't have to, 'cause it seemed to be all of them), but my skin crawled with every report that came in about BlogHer being filled with:
"Hugging and kissing and giggling."
Don't get me wrong. I hug and kiss and giggle and I think it is perfectly natural and great. It's the oogling of it that made me ill.
And then there was the many gushing posts (by mostly men) that went on about:
"How women of all shapes and sizes and levels of skills who express themselves and support one another and have it right and we should learn from them and how beautiful they are and how impressive they are and how they wish they could have discovered them before and how they wish all tech conferences were like this...blah blah blah."
Someone call in the press. We've made a discovery!
Well, not having been there, who am I to say? But, to me, it sounds patronizing. Yeah. There are many types of women. And some are smart and some are dumb and some are beautiful and some are not. And some of them are different and some of them are the same. And there are all sorts of personalities. Funny, that sounds a lot like a description of men, but we don't make a big deal about that.
I know. I know. We still live in the world where anything not white, male, heterosexual, business-as-usual, car driving, meat eating, etc. etc. is seen as 'the other'. And conferences like BlogHer are important in that world. But I wish that we could can the unctuousness around these things and get real.
(fyi...the earnestness comes from posts by both men & women)
:: ps. before the detractors start saying things like, "What would you rather have them say? That it isn't as good as a 'regular' conference?" Let me tell you, YES...I would. If that is the case. I'm sure the BlogHer organizers want to be brought to the table, so to speak and could rise to the occassion of a level playing field just fine.
Tags: blogher, iwasntthere
12 Comments:
Tara,
Interesting post, it kind of reminds me of Emma Goldman's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Goldman) experience at the beginning of the 20th century with the Suffragettes (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suffragettes) they wanted Emma to join them in helping women get the vote, Emma being an anarachist (and quite a rogue herself) really didn't see the purpose of governments never mind helping women get the right to vote in an election of any kind of government, so she didn't join them or help out in the "cause".
I've got a good one for you... I got Nancy White to sit still long enough for a photo and I told her I read HorsePig Cow all the time. Well, I'm not tara Hunt, she told me, and I allowed as how I knew she was nancy White... and then I got it. She doesn't write this blog! Fatuous bullshit maybe, but hardly unctuous...
Phew, for a while I thought it was only me who found many of the male posts about the whole thing to be utterly condescending and "oh aren't the little women great". Well intentioned but a little ridiculous in 2006. I've been guilty of it too in the past but at least I was trying to be funny.
As an outside observer, another sad thing about the whole thing is that the top coverage at places like Techmeme is posts from guys like Dave Winer
I always thought that the web was the great equalizer. Why drive a spike of divide ? What do women do differently on line then guys ?
I can't stand stuff like this.
a man
@anonymous (man)
heh. how typical. you didn't even read my post and assumed I was talking about (and supporting) a gender divide based on one paragraph of my whole post.
pretty much, I said that I don't identify with the women of blogher (I'm kind of on the equalized side of the gender thing), but I do recognize the need for the world to keep changing (and no, the internet hasn't removed that need).
Maybe there should be a conference for white, heterosexual, car driving, meat eating males.
We could discuss ways of discussing everyone else without sounding patronizing. Since this discussion, in itself, would probably be patronizing, I'm sure no good would come from it.
@anonymous
There are already lots of those conferences. No need to hold another. ;)
I have to tell you, I was smiling with pleasure that Frank thought I wrote your blog. But I told him you may not appreciate having the body of a 48 year old with freaky curly hair! (Evil grin)
Nancy,
I've always wanted curly hair! ;)
Oh, good -- it's not just me! See my post on the same topic.
The contrast between this atmosphere and that which I found at a woman's event (albeit not a blogging one) is marked.
http://makemarketinghistory.blogspot.com/2006/05/jobs-for-girls_27.html
Moreover, if any of the male attendees had posted in the fashion they have, I am convinced they would be in fear of their lives lol.
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