Miss Behavin'
Thanks Liz for your assessment of the Seattle Post's article. You have no idea what it means to me.I swear, I felt sick when I read that article. All of the grand demos and in-depth conversations and contacts over the weekend were instantly twisted to "I'm a Bimbo" in that moment.
In the Women in Technology session that Liz refers to (organized by the fantastic and brilliant Ponzi Indharasophang), we had discussed the self-doubt that often plagues women. This situation did not help.
So....let me set the record straight:
- What I believe I actually said was, "Web 2.0 is all about the beer and free parties", which was a tonge-in-cheek reference to the frenzy in the community (where there IS beer and free parties), not that beer is my only experience of it. Yes, like I uprooted my entire family and moved to a new country to be the sole breadwinner for parties and beer. I'm afraid I could have done that quite comfortably in Toronto.
- I do like beer. My friends at Sup.r.cilio.us have pointed it out before (but in a very social context). I enjoy socializing and networking and laughing and sharing a drink with old and new friends. Egad, I've even been known to be the life of the party. Unfortunately there is sometimes a double standard at work that says that girls have to behave (this is why I love the Misbehaving blog - they work hard to dash that myth), because you can't be fun AND intelligent all at once.
- Not long ago, I sat dumbounded while two very prominent men in the online community proceded to call me 'a Bimbo'. There's that word again. I happen to be an attractive and flamboyant woman who is quite sociable and a little flirty. It's how I try to make people feel comfortable. I also happen to be a woman who has designed and ran successful, award-winning national WOM/viral marketing campaigns, served on many online and marketing committees, published multiple articles on the subject, graduated on the Dean's list with an honours degree and continue to read a book a week to keep sharp. Bimbo is not a cute word that I find flirtatious. Bimbo undercuts my abilities. It's tough enough to be a presence in a male-dominated community. When you objectify me, I feel like garbage.
- A while before that, I was at an event where I said that I love being a geek. The man I was chatting with turned to me with a puzzled look on his face and stated, "You are too hot to be a geek." Which, I took as a compliment, but the fact is that there is a strong lack of sex appeal in the geek image. Not that many geeks aren't 'hot', mind you. Stereotypes aren't helpful. They marginalize people. They keep others out. They mess with our judgments. Perhaps to be taken more seriously, I could dress less provocatively and downplay my femininity...but why?
So, here it is. In living color. An example of why there aren't more women in technology. Stereotypical barriers keep many women out (and, I would add, other races) and then work to make those that enter the world uncomfortable when they try to integrate.
Of course there is more...but I'll save that for another rant.
18 Comments:
Hey Tara,
Some thoughts here. First -- rock on for being yourself! Frankly fun geeks are who *I personally* like to be around, just as most who are attending these awesome camps!
Following the mould sucks, which is why smart fun geeks like other smart fun geeks!
So keep on doing what you're doing, and the best thing in the world is to be the life of the party, and then as soon as someone starts debating with you, smack em in the face with your intelligence :)
It's quite fun to do that!
Tara: this stuff makes me ill.
I linked here.
So given that you were a part of the conversation, what quote of yours would you rather have shown up in the blog post?
On the bright side...he plugged your product! w00t!
I think I would have rather he didn't frame it in the way he did...it reads like I'm in it for the beer and free parties. It would have been better to have it read explicitly that I said that Web 2.0 is about beer and free parties, not 'for me, it's the free parties and beer.'
Two little words makes all of the difference.
However, I don't think the quote was intended to damage me and my reputation. John sat through and was very interested in the Riya demo after that. He knows that I'm not there for the party. ;)
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win. - Ghandi
I think you're seeing the traditional medial in phase two of their blog paranoia.
Keep up the good work (from a man who is a geek who likes free beer and parties too and as the son, brother and husband of strong women, admires and respects your work)
I think that calling you a 'Bimbo' is extremely offensive.
What is this double standard that women who are attractive cannot be smart as well?
I agree that this notion that 'geeks' cannot be attractive or physically fit is simply a way to exclude people. It is an unhealthy stereotype that hurts the technology industry.
Thanks for continuing to stand up for inclusion in the tech community!
Yeah, it looks like he tried to provide the context but it got a little muddled. Chances are if I were being interviewed I probably would have said something similar. "For me, it's all about free pens and t-shirts."
Funny, I've had a female friends of mine say the same thing about handsome guys when I point out that I work with them or met them at a tech conference. "He's too hot to be a geek". Which then makes me ask them, "Hey, what am I chopped liver?" Different strokes.... ;)
Tara, Tara, Tara - you know better! My guess is that the reporter nee blogger was looking for a quote that would make it seem like the worst of the dotcom era was back - the inane parties - and you unfortunately provided him with one.
But, either way - for you or for Web 2.0 - it is not a good thing. It shouldn't be about parties or beer, but about the customer and more than just the West Coast (well, the Bay and Seattle).
Not that it will make you feel any better, but Tara, you're my marketing hero.
A month ago I'd never heard of Riya/Ojos or you. As a result of your blog, community building, and networking at parties, I hear about Riya several times a week.
Let me know if you ever need a marketing job. As sort of an FU to those other guys, we'll put "Bimbo" on your business card. :)
Tara, I just posted this over on Misbehaving...
Hm, this brings up another issue we did not hit upon in the session at MindCamp - how we use humor. And how we interpret it. Humor can be our savior or a tool to cut.
As I reflect on MindCamp, one of the things I appreciated was the playfulness of it. Tara, by the way, captured that beautifully in her pictures. She rocks because she brings a range of talents to the table, and, like a Tai Chi move, uses them to contribute to the group. She enabled me to see many sides of her in quick glimpses: business woman, geek, artist and collaborator. I watched her sit down at a table and connect with others at the table in minutes. And from what I saw at the end, those who connected with her really did with a great deal of appreciation for her brains, her new business and the presence she brought with her to the weekend.
There was a great deal of humanity in the room at MindCamp. There was humor, some of which I ticked off in my brain as what I call in my house, "boy humor" (I have two sons). I often don't enjoy it (get it, appreciate it), but I immunize myself from reacting. I find pushing back on humor is one of the hardest things to do well. It is pervasive and almost sacred to some.
Like it or not, humor is one way of conveying our humanity. The problem is, it is also expressed out of our personal mental maps and experiences. And that one line in the blog provided a profound demonstration.
How can we use humor more productively? What is the move we can make? One move is to take the one line and use it as a door to open to the world the strengths that Tara brings to the world. Again, Tai Chi comes to mind. Let's leverage one person's gaffe into a way to help others get to know this amazing person called Tara.
Tara is in marketing/communications. She's not allowed to express a sense of humor on the record. Just verbotten.
"Not long ago, I sat dumbounded while two very prominent men in the online community proceded to call me 'a Bimbo'."
Why so coy? Call those dinosaurs out, I say. Name names. If they're rude enough to insult you in public, you should have no compunction in being rude enough to hold them accountable to their words.
I have been thinking about this all day. this is so insulting to women, and you in particular. Keep your head up, your talent will win in the end.
Guys like to do this kind of thing so they can make women feel inferior, basically.
This really sucks. I HATE it when reporters take my quotes out of context.
I had it happen once before and I'll never again allow Wired to write an article on me without reviewing it first. They totally quoted me out of context.
First of all, it's apparent that you're in it for the candy bracelets and the tampons.
Second, the girl's bathroom in my building has a sitting room with a couch. How many software engineers do you know need a bathroom with a foyer and a couch? None. It's obvious that the women in my software lab just go to the bathroom and giggle about boys.
Third, it's a proven fact that estrogen inhibits a human's ability to create data structures; especially double-linked queues.
Frankly, it's insulting to men that women jump around and scream "I can, too! I can, too!" Please, just go back to the kitchen and brew java. Old-school java. k, thx.
You've contacted the reporter and the editor, of course. What response did you get? Can't guess about the reporter, but betcha the editor won't be too pleased about the misquote and bias. Especially if you point out the misquote and bias for what they are.
As to the individuals who called you a "bimbo," you've taken the matter up with them, right? It seems to me that many important, powerful people in this business have all the social skills of third-graders, and it never hurts to be constructively assertive with them -- the first time. At least that's been my experience. The second time, if there is a second time, it might be effective to remind them it's a small world in our technologies and what goes around, respect-wise, comes around eventually. The third time, let the bastards have it -- name 'em in the weblog and let your readers heap scorn, verbal abuse, and inappropriate names upon them and see how they like it.
even here in small Sweden you are our hero. we drink beer like camels and fight our bimbo-image. it rough business...
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