I have this terrible habit of being as hard on my lovers as I am on myself. I've tried to be more gentle with Ken, as his tolerance for ball-breaking women is much lower than usual and I'd like him to stick around. However, this recent move has taken away my gentler disposition and replaced it with the wife as drill sargeant.

I realized it at about 10 pm last night, after a frustrating evening of house-hunting (I really want hardwood, Ken really wants to live in the city, I need a place close to the highway, Tad needs a decent school district, etc.) when I turned to a very broken down Ken and said:

"You either deal with it or you don't. If you were my employee, I'd fire you."

Harsh. That ain't too loving. I took it back instantly, but you can't REALLY take those things back. The damage was done. Ken, who is already WAY outside of his comfort zone with this move (he is calling his moving here the 'Bitch Visa'), didn't need that extra prickly threat.

I'm not too stressed about work anymore. I'm ebbing and flowing well and really enjoying the atmosphere and the work. I'm loving the longish hours and the new challenges.

I am, however, a bit frightened about the living arrangements. I have my son's father threatening me that if we don't get settled soon, he will spend this school year with him. I have no address. No bank account. Waiting desperately for my SS#, which they don't like to 'rush' (I even offered them money, but they don't have an expedited service). No driver's licence (need to get an address first). I don't have Tad registered in a school (need the address). Something has got to give there and Ken has the weight of the address and the move of our stuff on his shoulders. I probably should have hired someone to at least find the address.

I do vow from this point forward to remind myself every time I get frustrated with Ken (who is, in my defence, unnaturally easy going and casual about stuff - beyond 'in a good way' and into the 'never gets things done' zone and needs to have fires lit under him) that there are more constructive ways of motivating him than through barking commands.

Gently, we WILL get there...step by step.